Adrenaline

Today was a very busy day at work, with several situations that were time sensitive or situationally intensive.  By mid-afternoon, I felt my heart racing and knew that the adrenaline was pumping.  It did not feel good.  I felt like I had too many balls in the air and was precariously juggling them with every chance of dropping them.  Things calmed down, and I worked hard to do relaxation breathing, and to slow myself down, organize and finish one thing before I started the next.  Just describing this has my heart pounding again. 

Work has become increasingly intensive and I am not sure how to slow things down.  I try to be methodical in my efforts, and prioritize. I combine tasks when possible, streamline to the extent I feel I am being lazy rather than efficient. But I can not get ahead.  I like to work ahead. I am keeping even. I realized, during a staff meeting on Monday that most of my colleagues are not even keeping even.  I mostly feel badly for the patients who are not getting the care they need because of this.

I had a very good job at University Medical Center http://www.umchealthsystem.com/, in Lubbock.  I worked there about three and a half years. For the most part, I was well received, and comported myself well enough to be thought of as a decent employee. 

The position involved being on call.  One weekend, I did not get paged until Sunday night. I had really de-stressed until the pager went off, then my adrenaline level went sky high, and I was "pumped."  I realized I had become an adrenaline junkie, and did not like the feeling. 

(I was always behind in my documentation for this position.  So, I brought it home.  Mack, my faithful canine companion, was alive then.  He would let me work about an hour, and then he became very restless and I would put the work up. He took such good care of me.)

Shortly after the incident described above, a position came open at the Texas Department of Health, now the Texas Department of State Health Services http://www.dshs.state.tx.us/.  It was a case management position. It involved no night, weekend or on call work. I had interfaced with the case managers because of my work at the hospital.  I applied and was hired.

I was thrilled.  It was a very good position.  Then, I moved on to the prison. There was the option of signing up for the emergency situation team, but I explained to my supervisor that I had done 15 years of on call, and I wanted to opt out. So, I did. 

Rarely, at the prison, is the atmosphere charged and I feel that adrenaline rush. There are few, if any "social work emergencies" except the kind that happened today. They were not emergencies. They were demands from state officials who were responding to complaints from patients, and these are considered "high priority" and have to be responded to ASAP.  There is usually no life or death situation in these.  It is just a kowtowing to power and authority. I do not want to belittle the complaints or concerns of the patients, but they are usually not life threatening.

I understand the importance responding to authority:  State officials want their representatives to see them as responsive. If we please state representatives, maybe they will consider budgeting and funding for the agency in a kindly vs. antagonistic manner. There have been times when I have contacted my state representative, and appreciate the "pull" that representative has had to provide me with the assistance I have needed.

Today, though, it gave me an adrenaline rush.  I am not complaining. I think I took care of my patient  as needed.  I think I dealt with it as well as can be.  I just wish I could take care of my patients without having to deal with these types of situations.

And I want to avoid any adrenaline rush that I can avoid.