Why Am I So Inordinately Tired?

I can tell you why I am so very, very tired. It is a combination of factors.

I have been staying up late reading.  Well, I do that frequently. But usually I am reading a well written, mind grabbing book if I stay up late reading. (Otherwise, I go to bed.)  So, even though I miss some sleep, I am relaxed and rested, and it does not drag me down the next day.

Well, not so with the book I am reading: Playing the Enemy: Nelson Mandela and the Game That Made a Nation by John Carlin. This is the book that the movie, Invictus http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1057500/ was based on. And, Invictus http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/invictus/ is a favored poem of mine, written by William Ernest Henley.

The story is compelling but the author leaves something to be desired in the telling. However, I do want to read this book. It is a story I want to know more about, it is the story of Nelson Mandela, and how he galvanized a nation  divided to be united.

So, staying up late to read is dragging me down.

But, there are other factors. We are going through some changes at work that are very distressing for me. As one of my coworkers said today, she is trying to be positive about the changes whether or not she likes or agrees with them, but it is still very difficult.

And, for me, the worst of the changes is that we are losing three long term leaders. The medical director has already moved on to a new job. The chief administrator will be retiring in December, as will a senior director.

I am very concerned about the future of my job. I am very concerned about the future of our program at work.  I am extremely well paid for someone with my credentials, and will continue to work to the best of my ability to help keep things afloat. But, when do my licensure credentials become jeopardized?  Then I will have to bail. I am really wanting to continue as long as I can, to secure a reasonable retirement. I do not delude myself, my retirement will be tight, and as the cost of living increases, I will be squeezed to be able to tend to myself.

I want to adjust to the new scheme of things at work. But I am very concerned about what that will look like.  And, I am concerned that I will be assigned a very undesirable task, just because my supervisor knows I will strive to the utmost to do it, even it is fruitless.  But, I will do as I am asked.

So, the mental stress of all of this is wearing me down, and I am becoming more and more tired and unable to feel like I can rise to the demands of my daily tasks. 

I will, however continue on. And do the best I can.