I Do Not Have a Book to Read

I usually go to the library on Saturday and sometimes on Sunday also.  I almost always have a book I am reading.  But today, I do not.  I did not finish the book The Other Woman's House http://www.sophiehannah.com/crime-fiction/us-editions/the-other-womans-house/ by Sophie Hannah for the Barnes and Noble mystery book club.  I was probably in my mid-thirty's when I realized that I did not have to finish a book, just because I started it.  Many in the book club relate that they were in mid-life, when they realized the same thing.

I tried to read The Other Woman's House.  It is the sixth in a series that focuses on two detectives. It is supposed to be a well written book  Maybe if I knew the two detectives better before I read this book, I would have stayed with it. But I did not.  The woman who reported a murder was whiny, paranoid, disrespectful, thought the worst of her husband, her family and it seems almost everyone with whom she had contact.  She assumed no one wanted to help her, and she lied to the authorities. Her lies to the authorities was the last straw for me.

I was describing this character to a coworker who said what I thought:  "It sounds like our patients."

Now, do not get me wrong.  I really try to be respectful to my patients, and try to help them. I believe them until I am proven wrong.  I enter into the therapeutic relationship with the belief that I can offer them something if they are willing to work to make a change.

But many of my patients have the same attitude as I described in the woman character above. They assume I am not going to help them, and they act entitled to rights they gave up when they committed their crimes.  They are disrespectful, paranoid and suspicious of all non-offenders, and sometimes, of other offenders.  This is a difficult population to deal with. Sometimes their paranoia is psychotic, sometimes it is just disrespectful. This is difficult to differentiate.

So, why would I spend my off time reading about a person who fits that description.  Well, I would not.

I had been reading A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson. It became due at the library, and I thought I had already renewed it once, so I turned it in, but wrote myself a note regarding where I stopped reading it.  I plan to check it out again.  A few days after I turned the book in, I found the original check out receipt, and realized I could have renewed it.  I do not know why I did not get online and try to renew it, anyway. The electronic library program would have told me if I could renew it or not.  Duh!

Well, for another book club, I have been reading another Bill Bryson book: I'm a Stranger Here Myself.  I thought I might finish it today, and I did. 

I did not get to the library yesterday for a couple of reasons: I was going to the movies with a friend, late morning, and I wanted to get other errands and chores run before going to the movie. I had thought I might stop at the library on the way home from the movie. But that route required me to use the Loop access road, if not the Loop itself.  I left the movie physically ill: I saw Silver Linings Playbook http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1045658/ and the camera action  and whirling dancing made me physically dizzy and nauseous. 

This is not a new phenomenon with me. I went to see  Premonition http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0477071/ with a friend. It was not the sort of movie I would normally watch, but the friend wanted to see it, and we had not done anything together in some time, so I went. The back and forth reality of that movie literally made me ill. 

For both movies, it took me several hours to recover, and just thinking about Premonition brings back the vertigo https://www.google.com/search?q=Vertigo&rls=com.microsoft:en-us:IE-Address&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&sourceid=ie7&rlz=1I7ADBF.

I did not know I suffered vertigo until I started working at the Montford Unit in 1995. It was some time after I started that job that I realized what was going on. I had watched the the Alfred Hitchcock thriller Vertigo http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0052357/ as a teenager, but never related it to what happens to me.

I used to get car sick very easily.  My parents tried everything: full stomach, empty stomach, suckers, window seat, open window. It did not matter, when I was little, a long car trip usually resulted in nausea and vomiting. And because I hated the sibling ridicule, I usually waited until it was almost or was too late to express my distress. As I aged, I did better.

I could not do merry-go-rounds, or any type of circular movement amusement rides. Roller coasters, bumper cars, and chair lifts were fine.  When we went to the amusement park, Mountain Park http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mountain_Park_(Holyoke,_Massachusetts) near my home when I was growing up, I tried the rides.  I just could not do them, and spent large parts of the day feeling awful. (As I write this, I feel awful, the memory is so powerful.)

As a teenager, I did not want to obtain a driver's license.  There was more than one reason, but one was the problem with carsickness.  My best friend wanted her license, and my parents really believed I should get it, so they encouraged me to take driver's education with my friend, and I did get my driver's license. I am ever grateful to my friend and my parents for their advocacy reagarding getting my driver's license.  And, I discovered that I did not get car sick when I drove.

I remember the first time Lisenby and I went to the South Plains Fair http://www.southplainsfair.com/.  He loved the rides. I could not convince him that I would get sick on anything that rotated.  We did several things that I could handle, like the Fun House, the roller coaster, and I do not know what else. We did the Pirate Ship, which made me a little queasy, but it was manageable. He wanted to go on some rocket ship revolver ride, and I protested heavily, but he prevailed. Part way through the ride, he recognized my distress, and was able to signal the operator that I needed off. I was done for the night. I felt bad that I ruined his night, but if he had listened to me, and gone on the ride alone (a bummer, I know) he would have had more fun that night.  We did not repeat that mistake.

I recall a plane trip from Lubbock to Waco, in the late 1980's.  The trip to Dallas was fine, but the trip from Dallas to Waco was on a very small plane. The attendant could see me becoming physically ill, and asked what would help.  He offered mints, and I said lemon: he had a cut up lemon, which saved me.  As I write this, I sweat and feel nauseous.

Even as late as the 1990's I had problems with car sickness. If I was traveling long distances, I usually laid in a supply of lemon drops or lemon heads, which really help me. I still do use them, and they still do help.

So anyway, after watching Silver Linings Playbook I realized that I could not manage the high speed of the Loop access road or the Loop itself. I took a different route home and did not pass by the Godeke Library http://www.mylubbock.us/departmental-websites/departments/library/top-navigation-library/library-branches/godeke-branch. Which was okay.

So, today, after I did the rest of the housework I wanted to do, and the yard work I wanted to do, it was time to get cleaned up, dressed and ready for the NASW steering committee meeting we had at 3 PM.  It was held at a delicatessen in the southwest part of Lubbock. I needed to make some copies for a later in the week project, and there is a Kinko's/Fed Ex in the same shopping area, so that was convenient. On the way home, I bought take out at a local cafeteria, because I wanted corned beef and cabbage.  I did not have time, after the meeting to get to the library.

But, this was semi-planned.  The books I want are available at the Mahon Library http://www.mylubbock.us/departmental-websites/departments/library/top-navigation-library/library-branches, which is down town. So, Saturday or Sunday, I would have had to make a trip downtown. It is not that far, and is no big deal.  But, I chose not to get there.  Monday night, I will be at the board meeting for Catholic Charities, Diocese of Lubbock. It is just a few blocks north of the downtown library. So, after the board meeting, I frequently go to the Mahon Library to check out books. That is my plan for this coming Monday.

It is perfectly okay that I do not have a book to read tonight. The truth be known, I probably have several in the house that I have not read.

What is not okay is that I am now trying to deal with a slight case of vertigo, which has been brought on by the memory of other incidents.  But, I think I am okay.