Before I moved to West Texas, I did not think of a wind storm as a weather event. But I have since learned that a wind storm is truly a weather event. Today, we had a wind storm . The ambient temperature was not that bad, but the wind blew in incessantly from the north. This made the wind chill very cold. The wind persisted throughout the day. It was not so strong as to cause major damage, but it was so strong as to impact ambient pedestrians: it was COLD. It was CHILLING. It was UNCOMFORTABLE.
This is West Texas, and what a wind storm does.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Indecision
Sake likes to sit in the garage in the mornings. More mornings than not, I have to herd her back into the house when I am ready to go to work. This morning, she was in the garage, and as I went in and out as my morning routine requires, she watched me, as if expecting me to tell her it was time to go into the house. She seemed to want to go in, but could not decide for a while. Eventually she decided it was time to come into the house.
Later in the morning, she asked to go out. But, then she was not sure. I carried her outside, and she sniffed into the wind. She does not like wind. She decided not to go out. A few minutes later, she asked to go out. She was not out 20 minutes and asked to come in. But even then, she was not sure. That is okay. She can go in and out today. One of the luxuries of a day off for me is to be able to give her that option.
Later in the morning, she asked to go out. But, then she was not sure. I carried her outside, and she sniffed into the wind. She does not like wind. She decided not to go out. A few minutes later, she asked to go out. She was not out 20 minutes and asked to come in. But even then, she was not sure. That is okay. She can go in and out today. One of the luxuries of a day off for me is to be able to give her that option.
Happy Thanksgiving
This is the greeting I sent to my family and friends this year. I hope they do not mind if I share it here:
To all of you, my wish is for you to have a safe and blessed Thanksgiving. Every day I am reminded about how much I have to be thankful for: Family, Friends, Freedom. Opportunities to enjoy and appreciate life. The opportunity to believe in God and express my beliefs safely. Health and the opportunity to seek health care if I need to. A community in which I can live without having to constantly worry about my safety, and to know that when I have a concern about my safety, there are services in place to help me. A country that appreciates these things, and those who safeguard these things for us, and sets aside times throughout the year to commemorate the people who safeguard these things.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Breaking Bread and Sharing Recipes
We have entered the Holiday Season. Some would say it starts with Thanksgiving, but I almost have to believe it begins with Halloween. I say that because Halloween involves a lot of traditions: scary costumes, ghosts, goblins, trick or treat. And trick or treat means lots of goodies: home made or store bought.
Then, comes Thanksgiving. The traditional meal for Thanksgiving has lots of variations, but most of them include turkey, gravy, potatoes, some vegetables, typically green beans, corn, sweet potatoes, dressing, salad, condiments of quite a variety, and pies, mostly pumpkin, pecan, and apple, but any, really.
After Thanksgiving, things really ramp up: Almost every group, organization, association, and work setting has some sort of recognition of the holiday season: lunch, party, spread, desserts, gala, whatever. We eat ourselves silly into the holidays.
Then comes Christmas, with another special meal. Often similar to Thanksgiving, but not always. Sometime during this season, families with Hispanic backgrounds make tamales for the delicacy of the season. Many families prefer ham to turkey.
A week later, comes New Years. Since many people party the night before, many families do lighter meals for New Years Day. And different people have different food traditions. Where I grew up, pickled herring was a tradition, as was kielbasa. In the south, Black Eyed Peas are an important food to be consumed on New Years, for good luck. http://gosoutheast.about.com/od/restaurantslocalcuisine/a/blackeyedpeas.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black-eyed_pea. I have heard that Black Eyed Peas being good luck food was a marketing ploy for canned foods. The websites indicate the tradition may be older than marketing canned foods.
And, we share recipes during this time of year, so you can have something that is important to my family in terms of food.
I did not think about it until I was at the College of Our Lady of the Elms in the 1970's and a professor talked about the importance of sharing food and breaking bread: She talked about how our mothers make our favorite foods when we return from an absence. She talked about how people seem to negotiate, conversate, interact better over food. She was so right.
In addition to breaking bread with each other, the other thing that seems to bind us is sharing recipes. It makes sense: I want you to have the recipe that I have that I so enjoy. Even if we can not break bread together, we can be joined by common recipes. And, this is the season that recipe sharing and breaking bread predominates our social gatherings.
These are good things to appreciate and enjoy. But what is most important is to appreciate the people in our live with whom we do break bread and share recipes.
Then, comes Thanksgiving. The traditional meal for Thanksgiving has lots of variations, but most of them include turkey, gravy, potatoes, some vegetables, typically green beans, corn, sweet potatoes, dressing, salad, condiments of quite a variety, and pies, mostly pumpkin, pecan, and apple, but any, really.
After Thanksgiving, things really ramp up: Almost every group, organization, association, and work setting has some sort of recognition of the holiday season: lunch, party, spread, desserts, gala, whatever. We eat ourselves silly into the holidays.
Then comes Christmas, with another special meal. Often similar to Thanksgiving, but not always. Sometime during this season, families with Hispanic backgrounds make tamales for the delicacy of the season. Many families prefer ham to turkey.
A week later, comes New Years. Since many people party the night before, many families do lighter meals for New Years Day. And different people have different food traditions. Where I grew up, pickled herring was a tradition, as was kielbasa. In the south, Black Eyed Peas are an important food to be consumed on New Years, for good luck. http://gosoutheast.about.com/od/restaurantslocalcuisine/a/blackeyedpeas.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black-eyed_pea. I have heard that Black Eyed Peas being good luck food was a marketing ploy for canned foods. The websites indicate the tradition may be older than marketing canned foods.
And, we share recipes during this time of year, so you can have something that is important to my family in terms of food.
I did not think about it until I was at the College of Our Lady of the Elms in the 1970's and a professor talked about the importance of sharing food and breaking bread: She talked about how our mothers make our favorite foods when we return from an absence. She talked about how people seem to negotiate, conversate, interact better over food. She was so right.
In addition to breaking bread with each other, the other thing that seems to bind us is sharing recipes. It makes sense: I want you to have the recipe that I have that I so enjoy. Even if we can not break bread together, we can be joined by common recipes. And, this is the season that recipe sharing and breaking bread predominates our social gatherings.
These are good things to appreciate and enjoy. But what is most important is to appreciate the people in our live with whom we do break bread and share recipes.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
I Did Not Know
I took Taki into the veterinarian today for her spay operation. She did not complain about not being able to eat last night or this morning. She barely complained about the ride to the veterinarian. She hissed at the veterinarian technician who took her in. That makes me feel bad. She is a feisty little girl, but she passively accepted what I did to her. Oh, I feel so mean!
I did not know how much this was going to affect me. I have taken Sake and Haiku in for spay operations before. I hated leaving both, but this was different. I felt sick. I drove away, and about a quarter mile down the road, the seat belt alarm went off: this is me, who tells herself when she buys gas at Wal-Mart that she does not need a seat belt to move the car to a parking spot. But when she parks the car, has to undo a seat belt, anyway.
I was able to sink myself into work. But tonight, at the house, although I have spent time with Sake and Haiku, I miss Taki very much. This probably should not come as a surprise to me, but it does.
When Taki was very, very little, I did not let myself get too attached, because I was afraid she would not survive. So we are not a cuddly crew. But I do so love her. And, tonight, I miss her. I am so thankful for the companionship and love of Haiku and Sake. But there is room for Taki in my heart.
I did not know how much this was going to affect me. I have taken Sake and Haiku in for spay operations before. I hated leaving both, but this was different. I felt sick. I drove away, and about a quarter mile down the road, the seat belt alarm went off: this is me, who tells herself when she buys gas at Wal-Mart that she does not need a seat belt to move the car to a parking spot. But when she parks the car, has to undo a seat belt, anyway.
I was able to sink myself into work. But tonight, at the house, although I have spent time with Sake and Haiku, I miss Taki very much. This probably should not come as a surprise to me, but it does.
When Taki was very, very little, I did not let myself get too attached, because I was afraid she would not survive. So we are not a cuddly crew. But I do so love her. And, tonight, I miss her. I am so thankful for the companionship and love of Haiku and Sake. But there is room for Taki in my heart.
Monday, November 21, 2011
The Difficult Aspects of Pet Ownership
Recently, a dear friend went through the hardest of aspects of having a pet. A long time pet had to be euthanized, and my friend and her husband had to make the decision. How do you explain that to a pet you love, when that pet is just no longer able to maintain quality of life, and has no chance for improvement.
Tonight, I have a much smaller difficult task: Tomorrow morning, I will take Taki to the veterinarian for a spaying operation, and she has to be NPO after 8 PM tonight. I had originally thought to put her in a crate for the night, but that is a bit extreme, especially because it means no access to a litter box.
So, I have decided to close her into the computer room, where she started her life in our house. So far, she has not been to distressed. I am currently in the computer room with her, and will be for a while.
But this is the difficult part. I am not sure how much she understands English. She does understand some, but I am not sure how to explain the concept of what will be occurring. I have talked to her about it, and I am hoping this will not be too distressing.
Tonight, I have a much smaller difficult task: Tomorrow morning, I will take Taki to the veterinarian for a spaying operation, and she has to be NPO after 8 PM tonight. I had originally thought to put her in a crate for the night, but that is a bit extreme, especially because it means no access to a litter box.
So, I have decided to close her into the computer room, where she started her life in our house. So far, she has not been to distressed. I am currently in the computer room with her, and will be for a while.
But this is the difficult part. I am not sure how much she understands English. She does understand some, but I am not sure how to explain the concept of what will be occurring. I have talked to her about it, and I am hoping this will not be too distressing.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Charitable Giving
At this time of the year, most social service organizations, and many other non-profit organizations step up their campaigns to increase the donations that they receive. This is a wise strategy: They are trying to capitalize on the spirit of giving that the holidays engender. They are also trying to capitalize on the tax benefit that people can obtain from charitable giving.
My thought is that these agencies or programs function all year round. Their need does not diminish before or after the holidays. It is ongoing. For these agencies to function, they need support all year round.
While I do not think their efforts during the holidays should be curtailed, I think it would be wonderful if people who give during the holiday season gave all year round.
My thought is that these agencies or programs function all year round. Their need does not diminish before or after the holidays. It is ongoing. For these agencies to function, they need support all year round.
While I do not think their efforts during the holidays should be curtailed, I think it would be wonderful if people who give during the holiday season gave all year round.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
What a Difference a Day Makes
What a Difference a Day Makes http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/What_a_Diff'rence_a_Day_Made
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OmBxVfQTuvI is sometimes so amazing to me. I can think of several events in my life when I was on one course, and 24 hours later, I was on another. Not all of my life changes have been that dramatic, but some have.
Sometimes, I think about what if I could go back 25 hours, and change what was, what happened, how I behaved, how I reacted. But of course, I can not make those changes.
Today, what a difference a day makes has to do with me and my house. Yesterday, it felt bleak, with no future outlook or plan. Today, I woke up with good vibrations and energy. I had just a few chores to do, but took to them quickly. Impulsively, I ran an errand that involved buying a book and some CDs that I have wanted for a while. I have reveled in good music, good conversation, a good book, and good food.
I am looking forward to the challenge of tomorrow, instead, as has been in the last 4 or 5 weeks, dreading the changed environment of my work.
I am thankful I know the importance of positive attitude, changed behavior, and the power of prayer.
I enjoyed the sunny day, in the back yard, watched the end of the NASCAR race, and had a good conversation with a friend.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OmBxVfQTuvI is sometimes so amazing to me. I can think of several events in my life when I was on one course, and 24 hours later, I was on another. Not all of my life changes have been that dramatic, but some have.
Sometimes, I think about what if I could go back 25 hours, and change what was, what happened, how I behaved, how I reacted. But of course, I can not make those changes.
Today, what a difference a day makes has to do with me and my house. Yesterday, it felt bleak, with no future outlook or plan. Today, I woke up with good vibrations and energy. I had just a few chores to do, but took to them quickly. Impulsively, I ran an errand that involved buying a book and some CDs that I have wanted for a while. I have reveled in good music, good conversation, a good book, and good food.
I am looking forward to the challenge of tomorrow, instead, as has been in the last 4 or 5 weeks, dreading the changed environment of my work.
I am thankful I know the importance of positive attitude, changed behavior, and the power of prayer.
I enjoyed the sunny day, in the back yard, watched the end of the NASCAR race, and had a good conversation with a friend.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
The Cats and The Candles
I really like to have candles lit, and under other circumstances, would fill my house with candles all over, especially on these mellow nights when I feel bleak, or just want to chill and be mellow.
But, that is dangerous given the cats I have. I know I have told this story before: I had an open candle on the dining table, and Sake jumped on the table, swished her tail into the flame, and it stared on fire. I was sitting right there, and did not panic, but just grabbed her tail at the base, and ran it up to the end, extinguishing the flame. Later, Sake sniffed at her tail with disgust. She did not seem to even know her tail was a plume of flame. After this was over with, I had a delayed panic attack! But was mostly just grateful that I was there to extinguish the flame.
So, after that, I used jar candles on the dining table. Until the night that Haiku jumped up on the dining table and knocked over the jar candle. Again, I was sitting there, and again automatically responded by righting the candle before the wax and flame could spread very far.
I have resorted to burning candles on the counter stove top. The cats do not jump up to that part of the counter, although every once in a while, Sake will walk in front of it, to try to get into the cabinet next to it, where I start the inside grass in the dark.
The other safe place is in the big bathroom: the vanity counter has baskets of hygiene items in the front, and I have a small place in the back next to the wall for a candle holder. The cats do not bother that counter, as there is no space for them.
Having cats is more important than having candles.
But, that is dangerous given the cats I have. I know I have told this story before: I had an open candle on the dining table, and Sake jumped on the table, swished her tail into the flame, and it stared on fire. I was sitting right there, and did not panic, but just grabbed her tail at the base, and ran it up to the end, extinguishing the flame. Later, Sake sniffed at her tail with disgust. She did not seem to even know her tail was a plume of flame. After this was over with, I had a delayed panic attack! But was mostly just grateful that I was there to extinguish the flame.
So, after that, I used jar candles on the dining table. Until the night that Haiku jumped up on the dining table and knocked over the jar candle. Again, I was sitting there, and again automatically responded by righting the candle before the wax and flame could spread very far.
I have resorted to burning candles on the counter stove top. The cats do not jump up to that part of the counter, although every once in a while, Sake will walk in front of it, to try to get into the cabinet next to it, where I start the inside grass in the dark.
The other safe place is in the big bathroom: the vanity counter has baskets of hygiene items in the front, and I have a small place in the back next to the wall for a candle holder. The cats do not bother that counter, as there is no space for them.
Having cats is more important than having candles.
A Bleak House
My house felt unusually bleak today. I am not sure why. But, I was out last night for the basketball games, ran errands and did chores this morning and early afternoon while the resoundingly bad Texas Tech football game http://www.texastech.com/ was on TV. It was so sad. So, I guess after the football game, I did not have anything planned to look forward to, except to do some yard work. Which was not difficult. But I can not imagine having no plans has made this bleak feeling occur. Usually, I look forward to the part of my weekend that does not include plans so I can read, knit, play on the computer or watch mindless TV.
I sat outside and read, and even had dinner outside and read outside after dinner. Usually, when I come into the house, it feels warm and inviting. Tonight, it does not feel that way.
I have some music on. There was nothing on TV I wanted to watch, and I have several books I want to read: this is not unusual. What has changed is that I do not have the TV on while I am reading. But, I have moved to this habit more and more, and it has not made me feel so desolate.
There were clouds today, so it was a grey day, with some wind in the afternoon. It felt like a typical November day, as it should. But that should not effect the night. Of course, the clouds are obscuring the full moon. Am I that sensitive to the changes in light? I can not believe so.
I do not like overhead ceiling lights, and have area lights: floor lamps and table lamps, and tonight have them ablaze.
Candles help, and I have a couple of scented candles lit. I have to be careful with candles because of the cats. But that is another story.
I stayed up late last night, although I was very tired when I returned home. But I was too wired to go to bed. So, it will be a later than earlier night tonight.
Maybe tomorrow I can find some cheer in my house.
I sat outside and read, and even had dinner outside and read outside after dinner. Usually, when I come into the house, it feels warm and inviting. Tonight, it does not feel that way.
I have some music on. There was nothing on TV I wanted to watch, and I have several books I want to read: this is not unusual. What has changed is that I do not have the TV on while I am reading. But, I have moved to this habit more and more, and it has not made me feel so desolate.
There were clouds today, so it was a grey day, with some wind in the afternoon. It felt like a typical November day, as it should. But that should not effect the night. Of course, the clouds are obscuring the full moon. Am I that sensitive to the changes in light? I can not believe so.
I do not like overhead ceiling lights, and have area lights: floor lamps and table lamps, and tonight have them ablaze.
Candles help, and I have a couple of scented candles lit. I have to be careful with candles because of the cats. But that is another story.
I stayed up late last night, although I was very tired when I returned home. But I was too wired to go to bed. So, it will be a later than earlier night tonight.
Maybe tomorrow I can find some cheer in my house.
The Silence is Good
I got home late tonight, and have not turned on the radio, a music player of any sort, or the television. The silence is good. It rests my brain. It allows me to think, and in the process, to blog about my thoughts.
I try not to have noise on for the background all the time, but I am afraid I do that. I am so bad, I will leave the TV on while I go outside to do yard work or read!
The reality is, the noise fills the house. Which actually means that I do not always fill my house, if ever.
I like my solitude, but miss just visiting sometimes. Yet I do just visit. So I am not sure why I need the noise to fill the air.
More and more recently, I have not been having background noise and I am finding this very peaceful and stress reducing. I wonderful lesson.
I try not to have noise on for the background all the time, but I am afraid I do that. I am so bad, I will leave the TV on while I go outside to do yard work or read!
The reality is, the noise fills the house. Which actually means that I do not always fill my house, if ever.
I like my solitude, but miss just visiting sometimes. Yet I do just visit. So I am not sure why I need the noise to fill the air.
More and more recently, I have not been having background noise and I am finding this very peaceful and stress reducing. I wonderful lesson.
Veteran's Day
Yesterday was Veteran's Day, a Federal holiday. I had to work, and have had to work every Veteran's Day that fell on a week day since 1988. I do not think much about it. When I was growing up in the Northeast, Veteran's Day was an important holiday, and included celebrations, parades, and speeches. When I moved to Lubbock, there was little of that kind of commemoration, until after 9/11/2001, when we began cherishing our veterans and first responders as we should always have done.
I forgot to put my flag out today, and work was just another work day. But my saving grace was the fact that at the basketball games tonight, there was a Veteran's Day tribute. At least I participated in something, even if not of my own doing.
I forgot to put my flag out today, and work was just another work day. But my saving grace was the fact that at the basketball games tonight, there was a Veteran's Day tribute. At least I participated in something, even if not of my own doing.
Dry Skin Season
I suffer from dry skin, and have for years. It usually gets worse the deeper we go into the winter season. But it is early for me to be noticing that my skin is dry and itchy. It stands to reason, though. This has been a very dry year, and it lack of humidity results in the moisture being sucked from the skin. I do not hydrate well at work, especially on very busy days. And we have been very stressed and busy.
I can take some preventive measures that include body lotions, body wash with moisturizers, less hot water, and remembering to keep well hydrated when I can.
The effects of the drought are amazingly complex.
I can take some preventive measures that include body lotions, body wash with moisturizers, less hot water, and remembering to keep well hydrated when I can.
The effects of the drought are amazingly complex.
A Long Day
I shut the alarm off this morning, thinking it was Saturday and I did not have to get up. Imagine my chagrin (and relief) when I woke up about 45 minutes later and realized it was only Friday, and I had a 9 AM meeting at work.
Well, it does not take me long to get ready, and I went by to air up a slag tire before going to work. I was there well in time for the meeting, and later completed a full day of work chores.
After heading home to feed the cats, I went to the Texas Tech basketball games: a double header for one ticket. The Lady Raiders http://www.texastech.com/sports/w-baskbl/text-w-baskbl-body.html played first and won handily. The men's game http://www.texastech.com/sports/m-baskbl/text-m-baskbl-body.html was a close victory, but a victory, nevertheless.
Even before the men's game started, I was tired. I came home and tended to the email readings and Internet games I like, and decided to blog. I am very tired and my brain feels it. It will soon be bedtime. But I need some wind down time, and this is it.
Well, it does not take me long to get ready, and I went by to air up a slag tire before going to work. I was there well in time for the meeting, and later completed a full day of work chores.
After heading home to feed the cats, I went to the Texas Tech basketball games: a double header for one ticket. The Lady Raiders http://www.texastech.com/sports/w-baskbl/text-w-baskbl-body.html played first and won handily. The men's game http://www.texastech.com/sports/m-baskbl/text-m-baskbl-body.html was a close victory, but a victory, nevertheless.
Even before the men's game started, I was tired. I came home and tended to the email readings and Internet games I like, and decided to blog. I am very tired and my brain feels it. It will soon be bedtime. But I need some wind down time, and this is it.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Distance in Death
Dr. Elizabeth Kubler Ross did the pioneering work on "Death and Dying." I remember hearing a sermon at a Catholic Mass about her research, and being fascinated, and having to read the book. It was one of the events in my life that steered me into social work.
Dr. Kubler Ross identified 5 stages or phases of grief: denial, bargaining, depression, anger and acceptance. Over the years, I have used her information to help clients deal with death, in my social work profession.
Some years ago, I was stricken by the suicidal death of a coworker, not even a close acquaintence. I called our Employee Assistance Program, and was connected to a very empathic counselor, who almost word for word, gave me the speech I was used to giving to clients who were dealing with death and dying issues. Before the counselor gave me the speech, he had enough information about me to know who I was and what I did. When he finished the speech, I was smiling and he could tell, when I said to him "You gave me the speech I give to my clients."
He acknowledged that, and, the fact that when, we as human beings, not counselors, deal with death and dying, we need to hear the same speech.
I was reminded of this tonight, when I was speaking to a dear friend going through her own issues at the loss of a dear pet. I hope she does not find distress in the comments I will make, but comfort in the awareness that there are so many lessons to be learned from our lives and our sorrows.
I had an epiphany of sorts tonight: This has nothing to do with diminishing my cherished friend's very deep grief and loss. I am so sorry for her loss, and having known her pet, miss him myself, although we barely knew each other.
The epiphany for me, however, has to do with my life. My ex-husband and I had a nice house with an interesting back yard that my beloved Mack enjoyed. Before our divorce, my ex-husband and I sold the house and moved into a duplex with a postage stamp of a yard that was so boring.
I did a few things to make it better: plant a honeysuckle and feed the birds. But, eventually, I bought a house. I looked at the house on a Sunday with the realtor, and took Mack to look at it on a Monday. He did not want to get back in the car: it was his house. And so, it was. I bought the house, and put in a doggie door for Mack, which provided him free access to the back yard.
I called the house Mack's house; I even called one bathroom Mack's bathroom because he liked to lay on the floor, and I kept a water dish in there.
Life became convoluted, and I was in a strange relationship and Mack and I lived in his house and in the country. After many years, Mack's life gave out, and he was put to rest. I continued in the relationship that had me living in the country. I truly, sorely, sorrily mourned for Mack, but realize that the relationship that had me living in the country took the edge off, so I would not "go off the deep end."
The relationship ended, and when I returned to the house in town, it was no longer "Mack's house" and "Mack's bathroom" in my mind. What a life saving that relationship was, to give me the distance I needed to deal with Mack's death.
When I was in it, and when I was in the pain of breaking up, I could not see it. But painfully, clearly tonight, I could recognize how important that relationship was to me, to allow me to deal with the loss of my dear friend, Mack.
Dr. Kubler Ross identified 5 stages or phases of grief: denial, bargaining, depression, anger and acceptance. Over the years, I have used her information to help clients deal with death, in my social work profession.
Some years ago, I was stricken by the suicidal death of a coworker, not even a close acquaintence. I called our Employee Assistance Program, and was connected to a very empathic counselor, who almost word for word, gave me the speech I was used to giving to clients who were dealing with death and dying issues. Before the counselor gave me the speech, he had enough information about me to know who I was and what I did. When he finished the speech, I was smiling and he could tell, when I said to him "You gave me the speech I give to my clients."
He acknowledged that, and, the fact that when, we as human beings, not counselors, deal with death and dying, we need to hear the same speech.
I was reminded of this tonight, when I was speaking to a dear friend going through her own issues at the loss of a dear pet. I hope she does not find distress in the comments I will make, but comfort in the awareness that there are so many lessons to be learned from our lives and our sorrows.
I had an epiphany of sorts tonight: This has nothing to do with diminishing my cherished friend's very deep grief and loss. I am so sorry for her loss, and having known her pet, miss him myself, although we barely knew each other.
The epiphany for me, however, has to do with my life. My ex-husband and I had a nice house with an interesting back yard that my beloved Mack enjoyed. Before our divorce, my ex-husband and I sold the house and moved into a duplex with a postage stamp of a yard that was so boring.
I did a few things to make it better: plant a honeysuckle and feed the birds. But, eventually, I bought a house. I looked at the house on a Sunday with the realtor, and took Mack to look at it on a Monday. He did not want to get back in the car: it was his house. And so, it was. I bought the house, and put in a doggie door for Mack, which provided him free access to the back yard.
I called the house Mack's house; I even called one bathroom Mack's bathroom because he liked to lay on the floor, and I kept a water dish in there.
Life became convoluted, and I was in a strange relationship and Mack and I lived in his house and in the country. After many years, Mack's life gave out, and he was put to rest. I continued in the relationship that had me living in the country. I truly, sorely, sorrily mourned for Mack, but realize that the relationship that had me living in the country took the edge off, so I would not "go off the deep end."
The relationship ended, and when I returned to the house in town, it was no longer "Mack's house" and "Mack's bathroom" in my mind. What a life saving that relationship was, to give me the distance I needed to deal with Mack's death.
When I was in it, and when I was in the pain of breaking up, I could not see it. But painfully, clearly tonight, I could recognize how important that relationship was to me, to allow me to deal with the loss of my dear friend, Mack.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Stress Tired
Work has been stressful lately. Which means when I get home at night, although it is not very late, I am very tired. It is stress tired: from work. It is not physical tired. It is the kind of tired that causes headaches, or makes me not want to deal with difficult or work-like things. So paying bills, and doing chores are not interesting to me. Although I do some of those things. I am more interested in mindless games, easy crafts, light reading and word puzzles. Watching the cats and playing with them are good things, too. Those things do help me to de-stress.
Tonight, writing feels good, too. Being creative instead of plodding through tedious stuff.
So, I am tired tonight.
Tonight, writing feels good, too. Being creative instead of plodding through tedious stuff.
So, I am tired tonight.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Awesome Moon
It was late when I left work tonight, and dusk. There was an almost full moon in the East sky. It is awesome. I bright full moon on a clear night in West Texas with a wide open sky is just amazing. I love the wide open skies!
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Vacations experiences
Last year, in the autumn, I took a driving trip to northeast New Mexico. It was a short trip, but filled with long hours of comfortable, back roads but good highway driving, sightseeing, good eating, comfortable hotel time, and in general just nice, relaxing time.
The leisure, release and relaxation I enjoyed on that trip sustained me for quite some time, and even now, as I recall it, I can also recall the relaxed feeling I experienced.
That is what a vacation should engender: nothing rushed, nothing stressful or hectic, nothing untoward.
This past June I took a trip that was very nice, but not as relaxing. There were some issues: driving an unfamiliar car, driving in a big city instead of small towns and country roads, an airline issue which was minimal from my perspective, but still, a little stressful. It was still a great vacation, but not as refreshing as my trip to New Mexico last autumn.
As we go through life, we can appreciate the changes we make, and what works and does not work for us. I know myself, and driving trips are so much more pleasant for me. Having control works for me. Back roads and country atmospheres work for me.
But, if I did not experience other environments, other changes, I would not appreciate what works for me.
The leisure, release and relaxation I enjoyed on that trip sustained me for quite some time, and even now, as I recall it, I can also recall the relaxed feeling I experienced.
That is what a vacation should engender: nothing rushed, nothing stressful or hectic, nothing untoward.
This past June I took a trip that was very nice, but not as relaxing. There were some issues: driving an unfamiliar car, driving in a big city instead of small towns and country roads, an airline issue which was minimal from my perspective, but still, a little stressful. It was still a great vacation, but not as refreshing as my trip to New Mexico last autumn.
As we go through life, we can appreciate the changes we make, and what works and does not work for us. I know myself, and driving trips are so much more pleasant for me. Having control works for me. Back roads and country atmospheres work for me.
But, if I did not experience other environments, other changes, I would not appreciate what works for me.
Time Change
Okay, I admit it, I did not set my clocks back last night. I am not sure it mattered. I woke up well before my alarm went off, and could not go back to sleep. I had planned to sleep in for the second day in a row: I did pretty good on Saturday, and slept in until 7:30.
But not so on Sunday. After struggling about 45 minutes to return to sleep, I gave up the ghost, and got up to start my day: at 4:30 AM, when adjusted for the time change. I do not mind, I got a lot done. And, it is not unusual for me to arise early.
I have frequently reflected to myself that this may not be a good thing. I am employed in a position that, for me, does not strictly adhere to times to start and stop work. I work in a 24 hour facility, so unless I have something specifically scheduled, I can start and stop work according to whatever schedule I keep.
My internal clock often dictates those start and stop times. If I arise early, a go to work early, and end my day at a time that works for me. I do not work 8 hours, specifically. I work to try to accomplish what is on my "to do list." And, yes, somedays, I have to alter my expectations, but mostly, I am able to accomplish what I intend to do. So if I work 7 hours one day and 10 the next, as long as I get my work done, my supervisors are flexible. It is a luxury I hope I do not have to ever give up.
So, with the time change, if my internal clock does not immediately make the adjustment, I do not have to worry about reporting to work at specific times. As long as I get my work done.
That is a luxury not many people have. I am blessed.
But not so on Sunday. After struggling about 45 minutes to return to sleep, I gave up the ghost, and got up to start my day: at 4:30 AM, when adjusted for the time change. I do not mind, I got a lot done. And, it is not unusual for me to arise early.
I have frequently reflected to myself that this may not be a good thing. I am employed in a position that, for me, does not strictly adhere to times to start and stop work. I work in a 24 hour facility, so unless I have something specifically scheduled, I can start and stop work according to whatever schedule I keep.
My internal clock often dictates those start and stop times. If I arise early, a go to work early, and end my day at a time that works for me. I do not work 8 hours, specifically. I work to try to accomplish what is on my "to do list." And, yes, somedays, I have to alter my expectations, but mostly, I am able to accomplish what I intend to do. So if I work 7 hours one day and 10 the next, as long as I get my work done, my supervisors are flexible. It is a luxury I hope I do not have to ever give up.
So, with the time change, if my internal clock does not immediately make the adjustment, I do not have to worry about reporting to work at specific times. As long as I get my work done.
That is a luxury not many people have. I am blessed.
Cats Games
This has been a deliciously wonderful weekend for watching my cats at play. As I have mentioned, the addition of the kitten, Taki, to my household has really changed the balance of power with my cats.
Taki is, as are so many kittens, very playful. She races around, playing with cat toys, grabbing at laundry, claiming toilet tissue. She climbs on the cat stroller, and loves to play in and around it. She can occasionally get the older cats to play with her: She and Sake play patty cake, or play around the scratching post. If she plays with Haiku, who does not have much of a repertoire of play, it is usually chase and hide and seek.
I spend a lot of time watching the cat games.
I think this must be obvious to people who know me, because I received this link for cat patty cake from more than one person: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3iFhLdWjqc
Taki is, as are so many kittens, very playful. She races around, playing with cat toys, grabbing at laundry, claiming toilet tissue. She climbs on the cat stroller, and loves to play in and around it. She can occasionally get the older cats to play with her: She and Sake play patty cake, or play around the scratching post. If she plays with Haiku, who does not have much of a repertoire of play, it is usually chase and hide and seek.
I spend a lot of time watching the cat games.
I think this must be obvious to people who know me, because I received this link for cat patty cake from more than one person: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3iFhLdWjqc
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Favorite Movies
I am watching a favorite movie, you know one you can watch over and over again. One you know the dialogue for. One that even though you know the plot, you find it fascinating, interesting, and delightful. I have several movies in that category:
The Desk Set
The Moon is Blue
West Side Story
Guys and Dolls
The Longest Day
The Desk Set
The Moon is Blue
West Side Story
Guys and Dolls
The Longest Day
The Wind Again
It was a windy day again. The wind came from the south, southwest, and there was a faint haze of silty dust to the south. The wind sounded like falling rain on the leaves, and hummed through the wires in the alley.
I have written about the wind before. It is predominantly from the south, southwest in West Texas. It occurs frequently, and can be very stout. It effects the trees, many of which lean into the northeast because of the influence of the wind.
It can cause a great deal of damage, and is the harbinger of dust storms.
It can be aggravating. I frequently find the wind takes my breath away. The dust makes me itch. This morning, I was very congested and had lots of drainage due to whatever was afloat in the air.
However, as it was warm today, the wind made the ambient air temperature pleasant. So, the wind had a positive impact.
I have written about the wind before. It is predominantly from the south, southwest in West Texas. It occurs frequently, and can be very stout. It effects the trees, many of which lean into the northeast because of the influence of the wind.
It can cause a great deal of damage, and is the harbinger of dust storms.
It can be aggravating. I frequently find the wind takes my breath away. The dust makes me itch. This morning, I was very congested and had lots of drainage due to whatever was afloat in the air.
However, as it was warm today, the wind made the ambient air temperature pleasant. So, the wind had a positive impact.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Sneaky Stress
We are going through some major changes at work, and have known about this since the end of September, but only in the last week or so, have those changes started to be developed. And, they change every day, as the development is fluid until we find what works.
I go home everyday and am totally exhausted. During the transition, I am not working harder, but I am finding the uncertainty very difficult. I am not very organized nor efficient at what I do at work. I forget things, and have to redo things.
I do not think I am alone, as when I speak to my co-workers, they describe similar reactions. So, knowing we are not alone is helpful. We are meeting regularly to discuss the changes, and the networking and emotional support is helpful.
But, we are all surprised at how exhausted we are at the end of the work day. It is due to stress. But we know it, it is permissible, and explainable. However, the stress is sneaky.
I go home everyday and am totally exhausted. During the transition, I am not working harder, but I am finding the uncertainty very difficult. I am not very organized nor efficient at what I do at work. I forget things, and have to redo things.
I do not think I am alone, as when I speak to my co-workers, they describe similar reactions. So, knowing we are not alone is helpful. We are meeting regularly to discuss the changes, and the networking and emotional support is helpful.
But, we are all surprised at how exhausted we are at the end of the work day. It is due to stress. But we know it, it is permissible, and explainable. However, the stress is sneaky.
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