I Did Not Know

I took Taki into the veterinarian today for her spay operation.  She did not complain about not being able to eat last night or this morning. She barely complained about the ride to the veterinarian.  She hissed at the veterinarian technician who took her in. That makes me feel bad.  She is a feisty little girl, but she passively accepted what I did to her.  Oh, I feel so mean!

I did not know how much this was going to affect me.  I have taken Sake and Haiku in for spay operations before.  I hated leaving both, but this was different.  I felt sick.  I drove away, and about a quarter mile down the road, the seat belt alarm went off:  this is me, who tells herself when she buys gas at Wal-Mart that she does not need a seat belt to move the car to a parking spot.  But when she parks the car, has to undo a seat belt, anyway.

I was able to sink myself into work.  But tonight, at the house, although I have spent time with Sake and Haiku, I miss Taki very much.  This probably should not come as a surprise to me, but it does. 

When Taki was very, very little, I did not let myself get too attached, because I was afraid she would not survive.  So we are not a cuddly crew.  But I do so love her.  And, tonight, I miss her.  I am so thankful for the companionship and love of Haiku and Sake.  But there is room for Taki in my heart.