A Very Tired Day

I did not sleep well the night of March 17th.  I am not sure what that is about. It is what it is. And this has been going on since last Wednesday, March 11, 205.

I woke up very early the morning of March 18th, and could not go back to sleep, so I showered and dressed for work, then sat on the sofa. Haiku and Sake joined me, and I slept for quite a while, before I fed cats and finished getting ready for work.

I had a busy day at work, but for the most part, it was an easy day. I did two training presentations, and I felt like they were well received, which always makes me feel well.

But, by the end of my work day, I was pretty well wiped out.  Although I would have liked to call it a day, Wednesday night is a good night to get to the Lifestyle Center http://www.covenanthealth.org/Our-Services/LifeStyle-Centre.aspx , as open swim starts at 5:30 PM.  Well, as I worked late, and fed the cats before going to the Center, I did not get there until after  6:30.  The pool room was warm, but the water felt colder than I like. However, as I did my routine, I could feel the relief from the discomfort and pressure on my right hip/side/buttock/leg. I am not sure where the pain is. I just know it hurts.

I think it is true that if you do not feel like doing some self care activity, it is probably a most needed activity, and you should force yourself to do it. So, I usually try to force myself.  Tonight, that was good for me.

I am blessed to have insurance that covers health care modalities that can help me, even if they do not cure me.  I am so thankful that my physical therapist trusts me enough to acknowledge that I can do exercises on my own to help myself, at home, or at the Lifestyle Center.

Some days, it is very difficult to be suffering from pain, disability, injury. I think, as a society, we do not acknowledge enough what people suffer and how it affects their life.  I know for me, on days I have extreme pain, it affects my energy level, my frustration tolerance, my decision making, and even my thinking.  It affects my decisions about physical movement. I hope I do not diminish myself as a person because of my pain. I am in hopes that if I do diminish myself because of my pain, if I do not recognize it, my colleagues will have the courage and humanity to inform me of this, so I can gracefully withdraw from my professional life as a social worker.

It is my hope that my pain and therapy experiences make me more aware and tolerant of the situations my clients experience.  Therapy of any kind is not easy.  As human beings, we do not make changes easily.  We are resistant mentally and physically.  We make excuses. We give up.  I get that. I also get that we need to keep going, one step at a time.  That is what I try.