Chronic pain

I hope this link gets to the picture I saw:  https://www.facebook.com/Inspiredotcom/photos/a.10152309729980361.927615.130380575360/10155061821775361/?type=3&theater

 

Before I had back surgery, I would sometimes think to myself "I'm not clinically depressed, but why did I not want to go anywhere, do anything, hide at home, not care about doing things around the house, drag myself to work, drag myself home, not want to go out with friends, and my social world became more and more restricted." I was not sad, hopeless, or feeling helpless. I was just in pain.

I was fortunate. I was stubborn about getting treatment for my chronic pain, but finally, I did get treatment, and ultimately, I did get relief. I know others are not as fortunate.

Chronic pain can also mean chronic life changes that are not positive.  Support people in chronic pain, and encourage them to continue to interact with life.

 

Perspective on Aging

Although I cannot do the same things as I could just 5 years ago, and although the wear and tear on my body is obvious and limits me with what I can do, I still do not feel old.  I still think I have my life ahead of me, and there are good things in my future.

I enjoy life. I am happy to be alive. I am not as active as some people are, and I am not as interactive as some people are, but I do enjoy experiences, including new and different things. And, I find that there are many people who tell me I am very active and adventurous in my experiences.

I have not done much traveling lately.  I have not been motivated to travel. But if there is something in town that sounds interesting, I do take the opportunity to experience it.

I enjoy learning,. I was attending the Osher Life Long Learning http://www.depts.ttu.edu/outreach/ classes for a while, but the timing of their classes is difficult for me.  I either have to miss work, or rush to classes after work, neither of which is comfortable for me, so I have decided to opt out for now.  Maybe, in the future, I will re-join.

I like my weekly junk food fix at work, when they sell snacks and junk food. I get excited about my favorite sports teams. I enjoy pleasant surprises. I like word games and other puzzles. 

I am not as young as some people my age, but I do not think I am old, wise, or stuck.  Sometimes, I think I am, then something arouses me, and makes me realize "Hey, I am not that old."  I had some moments today that made me realize that I am not as old as I had been feeling lately.  And, I power through some of the physical trials I have, and get it done, although I am struggling.  But I realize that I am still very blessed by all I can do. 

The Laundromat

There is a 24 hour laundromat in my neighborhood, less than a half mile away.  I have used it before, when I have washing machine woes, and sometimes, to access their over sized washing machines.  I went this morning with a load of laundry, due to the drain problems I am having.

This is a fairly clean laundromat, although it is not really new, it is updated.  It was not busy.  People wait for their laundry in various ways: staring at the machines, talking to someone they know or strangers, listening to music, reading, doing word puzzles, eating.  I suppose the regulars get to know the attendant, and visit with that person.  I did not see an attendant today, and I am not sure there is always an attendant at this laundromat.  I am glad it is there, and that is so accessible and convenient.

Today's trip was painless.  I had to find some quarters. I loaded up, got to the laundromat, loaded the clothes, and worked the puzzles in the Sunday newspaper. The washing machine cycle was 25 minutes.  I really did not pay attention to time. I completed the Sunday puzzles, and the cycle was done, and probably had been for quite a while. 

The dryer is working, so I brought the clothes home to dry.

Passion

I used to be passionate about things in my life.  Certainly, when my relationships started with my ex-husbands.  But other interests, too:  NASCAR racing; birdwatching; my dog Mack; even my job as a correctional social worker; Lady Raider basketball; rhyme and meter poetry.

I still have lots of interests: brass bands; reading; knitting; Lady Raider basketball; Yankee baseball; Red Sox baseball; Texas Tech football; NASCAR; birdwatching; kayaking.

But I do not seem to have passions anymore. I am not sure why. Nothing stirs me for more than a few minutes.  Many things stir me: patriotic music; sports; books; work; my cats.  But the passion is gone.  Is there something wrong with me? 

Invictus - I Should Have Known

I should have known.  I was very interested in the movie Invictus, http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1057500/, the story of Nelson Mandela and his support of the South African Rugby team, in an effort to unite the country.  It is a great story, and I love the poem, Invictus http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/invictus/.  I even use it as a therapy tool with my patients at work.

I should have known, that the movie was based on a book, John Carlin Playing the Enemy: Nelson Mandela and the Game that Made a Nation.  Well of course it was.  So that book is now on my "to read list."  I was not surprised that the Lubbock library did not have a copy, but I will order a copy through inter-library loan.  And, if I think it is worthwhile, I will order a copy for myself.

Elderly Parents and My Own Future

Some of my coworkers and friends are dealing with elderly and failing parents.  I dealt with that some few years ago, and because of the physical distance between myself and my parents, I was spared the day to day trauma.

But trauma it is.  There are so many factors and facets to dealing with elderly parents:  To name a few: their perception of their capabilities, and their desire not to surrender independence. The reality of their abilities, especially in regards to such things as driving. Their physical strength and stamina. Their physical intactness. Their mental intactness. Their safety when they are not supervised.

As our parents age, as we age, we become less and less capable of doing the day to day tasks that we did without thought in our youth.  We are less capable physically. We forget. We start something and are distracted and can not finish. We have less interest or motivation. We have less physical strength.

Then, our body fails. We cannot walk as far, reach as high or lift as much.  We can not grasp as tightly. We can not move as quickly, or agilely as we once did. We can not stand as easily, or get up from a kneeling or crouching position. We are stiff and sore if we stay in one position too long. We lose feeling in our extremities.  

Life becomes harder in so many ways. We remember somethings, usually things of long ago, that comfort and calm us, or distress and discourage us.  Our physical faculties decline, and we can not care for ourselves the way we used to. We become dependent upon others, hopefully those who love us, and treat us with dignity and respect.

I will become, one day, as frail and infirm as my parents became.  I was not there to care for them on a day to day basis.  I do not have children who can care for me on a day to day basis. I can only hope that someone will be there, to care for me, to supervise my care. To be sure that I am not abused, nor taken advantage of, nor manipulated to my detriment.

Am I afraid? No. I am hopeful.  And I know the full Grace of God who takes care of my soul, whatever happens to my body.

Reconnecting

A few years ago, I went to the 25th anniversary of Catholic Family Service, Inc., Diocese of Lubbock. I was invited, by a board member, to apply for board membership.  I did,  and a couple of years later, was elected to the board of directors.  I am now serving my second year.  During that time, I have reconnected with many people from my days at CFS.  What a wonderful treat!

Just this week, I reconnected with someone else that I have not had contact with in probably over 20 years.  What a treasure that is!  I am so grateful for the series of events that has lead me to connecting with this person!

Dear, treasured people from our past are a blessing in our lives. It is true people come into our lives for a reason, leave for a reason, and reconnect for a reason.  Thank you to the powers that be for this blessing.

What a Difference a Day Makes

What a Difference a Day Makes http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/What_a_Diff'rence_a_Day_Made 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OmBxVfQTuvI  is sometimes so amazing to me.  I can think of several events in my life when I was on one course, and 24 hours later, I was on another.  Not all of my life changes have been that dramatic, but some have.

Sometimes, I think about what if I could go back 25 hours, and change what was, what happened, how I behaved, how I reacted.  But of course, I can not make those changes.

Today, what a difference a day makes has to do with me and my house.  Yesterday, it felt bleak, with no future outlook or plan.  Today, I woke up with good vibrations and energy.  I had just a few chores to do, but took to them quickly. Impulsively, I ran an errand that involved buying a book and some CDs that I have wanted for a while. I have reveled in good music, good conversation, a good book, and good food.

I am looking forward to the challenge of tomorrow, instead, as has been in the last 4 or 5 weeks, dreading the changed environment of my work. 

I am thankful I know the importance of positive attitude, changed behavior, and the power of prayer.

I enjoyed the sunny day, in the back yard, watched the end of the NASCAR race, and had a good conversation with a friend.

Baseball and LIfe

Recently, I wrote about a coach who advocated for parents to teach their children the game of baseball, because no other sport prepares people for Life better than baseball.

I agree.

I think anecdotal evidence of this is that so much baseball jargon is in the every day vernacular of the English of the United States.

Make it to first base

Safe at home

Three strikes and your out

On deck

All Star

Batting (a percentage)

Pitching a strike

Getting jammed

Shut out

Big whiff

Up at bat

Hitting a homer