Gratitude Post #3

So, today, I was feeling very poorly. I have a combination of health issues, but the worst is fatigue.  I could have predicted my fatigue by the end of my workday on Tuesday, but I hate to assume the worst about my health status. I had to call into work about being absent.  Today, I slept until after 2 PM. I actually was able to get onto the computer, and do some things, with the opportunity to lie down from time to time.

I am grateful that I have supervisor who is understanding of my physical health issues, and also have the sick leave to cover me when I have these days.  

Clean Clothes in the Laundry Basket

Taki and Haiku enjoy climbing into a laundry basket that contains warm clothes out of the dryer.  Today, early afternoon, I brought a basket of warm clothes into the house, and Haiku claimed the basket.  I ran errands, and when I arrived home, Taki was in the basket.  That makes sense, because if Haiku left the basket, the clothing would be warm where she had been lying. A while later, Haiku was back in the basket.  This has happened before, and sometimes, the cat in the basket stays there until late in the evening.  Mostly what is in this basket is bed linens, but there are other items in there also.  It would not be the first time that I have slept on the sofa because the cats slept on the bed linens in the laundry basket and it was too late to make the bed. 

Asleep at the Keyboard

Some times, I spend too long sitting at the computer, too late at night.  I think I must fall asleep at the keyboard, because all of a sudden, I am not really sure what I was doing, and I was sitting at the keyboard.  This does not happen too often, but it does happen when I am very tired. 

Do I fall asleep at the keyboard?  I don't know. Do I plan to do that?  No.  Just like does anyone ever plan to fall asleep at the wheel? No.  It just seems to happen sometimes. 

Where Are The Cats?

I had the day off today, and the cats were up and about this morning, looking for breakfast, and a late morning snack.  Haiku even asked for some Gouda cheese as I was reading on the recliner. She let me snip at some of the mats that are forming behind her front legs, too, although she does not like that.  About midday, they both repaired to their respective hiding spots, for their midday catnaps.

I went out mid-afternoon to run some errands, and when I arrived home a little after 4 PM, Taki came out looking for attention, and a snack.  Which was appropriate, because that is usually about the time I arrive home from work, and both Taki and Haiku look for snacks or dinner when I get in.

Not today. After a while, Taki disappeared and I have not heard from her.  As I started writing this, I also had not heard from Haiku, but no sooner than I typed the title for this piece, Haiku came out looking for dinner. She is very hungry and eating well!  Hmm.

Trouble Falling Asleep

Over the last few months, my sleep pattern has changed.  I usually go to sleep between  11:30 PM and 12:30 AM, and get enough sleep.  I still can do that, but lately, if I am involved in an after work activity, even one that ends by 8:30 PM, I am still wired at 12:30 AM and sometimes until 2:30 or 3:30 AM, so that I am not able to go to sleep. 

Sometimes, reading a particularly stimulating book also keeps me awake until early in the morning. In the past, staying up late to read did not bother me much, but more, and more, it affects me the next day. 

I do not like this.  If I do not have to get up the next day, this does not worry me, but more often than not, I do have to awaken early the next day.

But the real problem is that some nights, nothing has stimulated me to stay awake: I am not reading a particularly exciting book, my eyes are tired, and I still am not able to fall asleep. 

This really concerns me; irregular sleep can set me off, make me irritable, sometimes hysterical, and always difficult.

I think this is due to severe stress at work, and I am doing the best I can to alleviate that; I try to adjust my expectations of performance at work to what is practical; I try not to let deadlines bother me, and I am taking as much annual leave as I am allowed. 

But, I am truly concerned about my self-care and coping skills regarding work. 

Sleep versus Reading

Like everyone else, I need my sleep.  But throughout my life, something interesting has occurred when I have a really good book.  I can stay up late enthralled with a good book, and very often be rested and relaxed the next day. Especially if this is a well written book, with good plot and just good clean storytelling.  This is not always true, because if I am reading a book with a lot of energy like Ruthless Tide or emotional action A Dangerous Talent, I have too much emotional energy to sleep even after I have finished the book.

But I love the ability to stay up late, reading a good book, and being awake, alert and functional the next day.

Sleeping In

I do not know what is wrong with me, but this morning, I slept in until 10 AM. If the cats tried to rouse me, I missed it.  They did not seem frantic for breakfast when I got up, but really, late last night they asked for snacks, and received them.

But even after I awoke I was not really energetic. I did a few things, then hunkered down on the sofa and read for several hours. I did do some laundry and my regular Saturday housework, late in the day.

I am thankful that I have the luxury of taking a day off, totally off, if I need. to. 

The Fiend Caffeine

Thursday night was book club night.  As usual, we went out to dinner before the meeting, this time to Cattle Baron's and had a nice visit.  I was cold, and at Barnes and Noble I bought a Chai Tea.  I should know better. It has caffeine, and I rarely do caffeine any more.  But, usually a couple of glasses of wine counter acts that.  Well, not so on Thursday night. I finally went to bed, about 2:30 AM.  And tossed and turned forever, it felt like. I tried playing the pain management CD that puts me to sleep, but that did not work. I just could not get comfortable. I finally got up, made some Sleepytime Tea, which usually does nothing to help me sleep, and the results were no different that night.  I read, and finally became drowsy around 4:30 and drowsed off and on until it was time to get up to go to work, about 6:45 Friday morning. 

I was not too tired at work, and then ran errands afterward, but went to bed early Friday night.

Winding Down

So, I went out after work tonight. And true to form, whether it is social, or educational, a movie, or sports I am left with needing to wind down after wards.  I have had some wine, and have engaged in the usual pre-bedtime activities that help me prepare to go to sleep, but so far, no help.

That is okay.  I have dealt with this before.  I will get sleepy soon.

Crashed

I can usually make it through the work day with enough energy to finish.  About 20 minutes before my work day ended, I lost my energy, but made it through the day, ran an errand and made it home.  When I got home, I sat for a while and just rested, but then went on to do errands: empty the dishwasher, feed the cats, clean the cat pans, take my pills.  It took me several hours to do all that, with lots of resting in between.  I am still tired, but I hate to go to bed too early, because if I wake up in the middle of the night, I might not be able to go back to sleep. I do not sleep well, and that would be my history. 

Not only am I tired, I cannot get comfortable.  Sometimes I am cold, sometimes I am too hot, and my bones ache.  I hope that I am not getting sick, again.  

I will plan to go to bed early tonight.  

A Busy Week

It was a busy week at work this week. To make it more interesting this week, I had a busy week in the evenings.  It started Monday night with a board meeting at Catholic Charities, then going home to watch the rest of the Yankee - Astro game MLB.  

Tuesday and Wednesday night, once again there Yankee - Astro games. The Yankees won all three games, making the American League Championship Series 3 to 2, Yankees leading.  The problem is that kind of exciting TV wakes me up and I take all that much longer to wind down to go to sleep.

I am again watching the Yankee - Astro game, but at least Saturday I can sleep in. And I have had trouble getting up this week, due to the trouble I have had falling asleep.

New Sleeping Arrangement

Haiku has taken to sleeping on "my side" of the bed.  I could sleep in the middle, but sleeping on "my side" puts me closer to the alarm clock, and the night table where I put my glasses overnight.

So, I am now sleeping on the other side of the bed. I am not sure why Haiku has taken to sleeping on "my side" of the bed.  Oh, well.  

Poor Sleep Leads to Confusion

I have had problems with sleep my whole life, except for a short period of my life. It comes and goes, but mostly I deal with it by staying up late until I am ready to sleep, or I fall asleep, wake up briefly, and then I go to bed.  If I do anything to really wake myself up, then I cannot go back to sleep. 

Circumstances have not helped.  I have been staying up late for various reasons: We had a Catholic Charities board meeting that lasted until 9 PM, and it took me several hours to unwind.  I stumbled upon an old, old version of Pride and Prejudice, I stayed up late to watch Hurricane Harvey https://www.nytimes.com/2017/08/25/us/hurricane-harvey.html?mcubz=1 make landfall and some of the aftermath. That was last night.

So, this morning, I woke up at 7 AM, thinking I was late for work.  I started getting ready to get a shower, and then thought about it.  I checked my cell phone, and sure enough, it was Saturday morning.  I went back to bed, and slept until almost 10 AM, unheard of for me, but not so much lately, since I have not been sleeping well.  

I need to work on changing my sleep pattern.  

Big, Loud and Live 2017

Big, Loud, and Live https://www.fandango.com/dci2017:bigloud26live14_202428/movieoverview aired August 10, 2017 presented by Fathom Events https://www.fathomevents.com/.  A colleague and I met up to watch the show.  It was a very good presentation, lasting close to 5 hours, not counting waiting for the tallying of results, which we did not wait for.

But for close to 5 hours, we heard blaring drum corp music, which is enjoyable to listen to and the performances are fun to watch.  But the music is loud, and jarring. Because of that, it takes me a long time to wind down after seeing a performance.  So, I planned to take off from work on the 11th of August. The problem is, I need to get up early to be ready for the air conditioner/furnace replacers. 

So now, I am home and have cleaned out the area for the air conditioner/furnace replacers to work, finished reading email, finished playing computer games, have had some wine, and am watching a second interesting movie, having already watched In the Heat of the Night  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0061811/.  Now I am watching The Bedford Incident  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0058962/.  

I like submarine movies, and thought I had seen The Bedford Incident before.  But I do not remember anything about it.  I do remember my father and brother talking about it when it came out, or maybe, they discussed the book. My father did not read a lot of books when we were growing up, but he liked a good military or historical thriller. 

So, I am waiting to get sleepy enough to so to sleep.  If I try lying down before I am sleepy, I just toss and turn, and waste sometimes the whole night trying to sleep.  I try using relaxation breathing, and progressive muscle relaxation, but it does not work.  This has been my life's history regarding sleep.  It just is, and I have only had a few periods in my life when my sleep was better.  But, I don't mind. Especially when I do not have to be on my best game the next day.

I Must Have Pissed Off Haiku

I don't know what I did, but shortly after I went to bed last night, Haiku joined me and proceeded to slap me in the face. She left a scratch on my forehead, and my nose. I did not know what that was all about, and I basically ignored her. The house was safe, secured, and intact. There was no gas leak. Everything seemed fine, except from her perspective.  Early in the morning, she came to bed, and snuggled with me.  I realized then that maybe I pissed her off because I opened the windows in the bedroom, and turned on the ceiling fan, and it was cooler than she liked, because she likes it very warm. But it was not cold last night. It probably got down to 69° in the house. 

Exhausted Early, Staying Up Late

For the second night in a row, I am exhausted early about 10 PM. How I deal with it depends upon what type of exhaustion I have. Last night, it was mental exhaustion, and I could not find some mindless TV, so I retreated to the sofa and read for a while, until I was ready to go to sleep. That worked, except that I was ready to get up about 4 AM, which was not practical given my schedule. So I dozed in bed and had very strange dreams, and even some hallucinations (which has happened to me before in this situation) but is not psychotic so much as altered state due to changed sleep pattern.

So, tonight, I am exhausted early again. But tonight it is a combination of physical and mental exhaustion, and I know that going to bed at 9:30 PM would be disastrous because I would be up about 3:30 AM and unable to go back to sleep, but it would affect my functioning at work. 

So I persevered until now, about 11:30 PM, and am still not quite ready to go to bed, but ready to read again for a while and then go to sleep.  That will be about the right mix, I think.

Sleeping Wrong

I must have slept wrong in the bed last night.  I awoke to feeling aching, stiff and sore. And, then I feel chilly.  The feeling did not improve as the day went on.  I went out to lunch, and that was a mistake. I felt stuffed and bloated and miserable in the restaurant, and could not get comfortable.

I lay down for a while after lunch, and got out the cushion for the outside lounge chair and laid outside and read for a while.

It is only 7:45 PM and I am very, very tired.

Mmmm.  I think this is just a reaction to having been away, under the stress of traveling, especially with the bad weather, and now that I am home and can relax, my body is telling me to take a break.

Well, dummy me ran some errands this morning, and went out to eat.  But now it is evening, and I will try to rest a little.

I still have some errands to run tomorrow.  And I want to get some housework done this weekend.

Nap Time

I do not like taking naps.  I generally wake up confused, frightened, disoriented.  I recall doing so when I was in junior high, and it took me the rest of the evening to get oriented.  I have had a couple of similar experiences through the years.  So, I do not take naps.

Something has happened, though, the last few weeks.  Not so much during the work day, but sometimes in the early evening, and more frequently on a Saturday or Sunday, or when I have a day off, in the afternoon. If I sit back and relax, get comfortable, especially when I am reading, but maybe when I am knitting, I want to close my eyes and doze off. And sometimes, I do. Not for long. But this is something I have never experienced before.

I have been thinking about it. I was wondering if it could be attributed to a medication I am taking. That is possible. But I have been on most of the medications I take for more than a couple of years now.  Except the Amlodipine, which was added a couple of months ago.  Tiredness is a side effect of Amlodipine, but I take it at night, so I would think the tiredness would not still be affecting me the next afternoon, when these naps often occur. I wonder if it is an aging thing.  Hmmm.

Weird.

A Gray Day

It was a gray day.  There were showers at various times during the day.  I kept the windows locked open, except when I was out running errands.  It is cool out.  The house is holding at 70°.  It should be good sleeping weather tonight.   I did not sleep good last night and after a brief nap, I stayed up until after 4 AM, reading.  Even when I went to bed, I did not go to sleep for a while. And I had some weird dreams.  So, it was not restful sleep. I woke up about 8:40 AM and could not go back to sleep, which was just as well.  But I was slow at getting going this morning.  (Don't you just hate that phrase, "getting going?" But I use it anyway.)   My back hurt a little today.  It was just muscle, eased by an analgesic patch. And aggravated by my being tired.  I thought I would be able to go to sleep early tonight, but not yet, after 10:30 PM.  Everything was gray about the day.  

The Innards of a Kitty Sandwich

I had a restless night last night.  I could tell because the comforter ended up on the floor.  I have had several restless night lately.  This will pass, and it really does not bother me.  I think it bothers the kitties because they like to join me in bed off and on during the night, and especially in the early morning right before the alarm goes off. And if I am having a restless night, I am not sure what happens, but they may get bumped or popped unintentionally.

I am convinced that the cats do not like the alarm, and they can tell from the display on the clock when it is close to time for the alarm to go off.  So, they get in bed and wake me up first.

But not this morning.  This morning, I woke up to being the innards of a kitty sandwich: Haiku was laying up against my back, and Taki was up against my abdomen.  It was warm, and fuzzy and oh so sweet!  It did not last long, but it lasted long enough to make an impression on my brain. 

We have been going through some serious stuff at work, and throughout the day, the memory of being the innards of a kitty sandwich really soothed me today.  I am so lucky to have such sweet kitties.