A Busy Weekend

It was a busy weekend. On Friday, I was able to leave work early and did my weekly shopping.  I attended an art exhibit that included some contributions by our patients, in recognition that May is Mental Health Awareness Month.  And then I went out to eat.  Saturday I got up early and did my walk.  I went to a memorial mass, went out for lunch, did housework, and went to a play tonight. 

I have made some lifestyle changes and I feel better in one week's time, and have more interest, so I am able to encourage myself to do things.   I have more energy, too. This is good.

Returning to the Lifestyle Center

I have not been to the Covenant Lifestyle Center in months.  it was a combination of factors.  Last fall, while the staff and administration at the Lifestyle Center insisted that the water was "heated," it certainly did not feel that way. I got tired of being cold in the water, and being uncomfortable when I got out.  I was not the only one who complained, to no avail.

Then, I got really, really busy at work and often worked so late that I could not have gone to the Lifestyle Center during the week,  had I wanted to. I blew off weekend sessions. My bad. Then, the cold winter weather moved in.  I have a hard time getting into cold water in cold weather.

Last month, at the Barnes and Noble Book Club, a friend said we needed to return to the Lifestyle Center. I agreed, but did nothing. She said the same thing last night, which motivated me enough to go today. It was a wonderfully warm, sunny day. I could not contact the friend, but went, anyway.

The pool was empty when I arrived, but shortly some pool friends arrived. One told me the pool had been very cold that last 3 days, but was a little warmer today.  And the air in the room was warm. (And the pool heater was on, so the pool warmed as we stayed.) 

I met some new people at the pool tonight. One is a reader and loves mysteries, and expressed an interest in the Barnes and Noble Mystery Book Club.

I was cold when I got out of the pool.  One of my pool friends had a robe that she made out of towels, because she was tired of being cold when she got out of the pool. She mentioned that others have started using cotton robes.  So, I am not the only one who hates being cold in the pool and when I get out.  Hmmmm. I do not sew, but maybe this person will make me a robe, if I buy the towels.

I need the exercise. And I enjoy the people.  Maybe I can motivate myself to start to go to the Lifestyle Center regularly, again.

The Lifestyle Center

Today was a particularly stressful day at work. 

Because I had my time in by mid-afternoon, and due to circumstances at work that prevented me from being very productive, I left.

I went home, and visited with my cats, but when I am very distressed, they are distressed, and we feed off of each others discomfort. They are very sensitive that way.  Some people say cats can soothe you, but mine are not like that. They really like it when I am mellow and we all just kind of chill.  I know pets are supposed to help de-stress people, but it does not work that way in my house. If I am stressed, my cats are stressed.  I wonder if that is why Taki was so distressed earlier this week that she did not come out from hiding. Because this has been a stressful week for me.

So, when I went home early from work, I decided that going to the Lifestyle Center at Covenant http://www.covenanthealth.org/Our-Services/LifeStyle-Centre.aspx was just the ticket.  And it was. It was not really busy, and the people there were people I knew. We exercised and visited and it was very relaxing and very social.  I so appreciate that experience. I wish I could carry the calmness of that experience over to the rest of my life. I can work on it.

I Love Sticky Notes

I know you know what sticky notes are: The brand name is Post It Notes. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post-it_note.  I use them for so many things   Tonight, I am using a Post It Note to help me to remember to turn the air conditioner back on in the morning.

I have opened the windows, as the outside temperature is about 4 degrees less than the inside temperature.  On a typical West Texas night, four or five degrees is the temperature difference that means that the inside will start to cool off.  Tonight, the 4 degree difference did not work, probably because of the extreme humidity in the evening air, and the fact that the wind is not very strong..

So, I turned off the air conditioner. The outside is making the house feel okay, but not to the extent the air conditioner can recognize it. 

As the night progresses, if the evening air does not cool the house off, I will close the windows and turn the air conditioner on again. For now, I want to see what natural cooling might occur.

The reason for the sticky note or Post It Note, is that in the morning, before  I go to work, I will close the windows that are opened in a locked position.  And, I need to remember to turn the air conditioner on again.

Musical

I had thought that I had written about this before, but I do not see it under the label of musical, which would be the most likely place to label this.

I really like musicals, and have watched some of them so many times, that I almost know the dialogue as well as the songs.

I was watching Fiddler on the Roof  with a friend from West Texas.  After we watched the musical, he asked why the Jews were persecuted.  I think that is interesting. This person is a well educated man who is culturally sensitive. He did not "get it" that the Jews were persecuted in Europe and Asia (Russia) even before World War II, and that is why many immigrated to the United States, and many immigrated to Palestine to work to establish Israel.

I did not explore this, but I wonder what his perception of the Holocaust was. I am appalled at the number of people who do not believe that the Holocaust occurred. Or even, that the Holocaust occurred because of something the Jewish population in Europe did.   Can you imagine?

This same person and I were watching West Side Story, a musical he professed to know and like.  When we watched it, he revealed to me that he did not know that some of the songs were part of the story of the musical. Specifically, this was clear about the song "America."  He had never really paid attention to the lyrics before, so he did not realize the significance of the song.

That amazed me. But it made me wonder how many other people also discount the message of songs in musicals.  That would be so sad.

Musicals are not fluff. Specifically, but not limited to, the Rogers and Hammerstein http://www.rnh.com/ musicals are not fluff. They were deep, intense musicals that deal with intense social issues.

There are a lot of other musicals that made social commentaries, and this is good. Social commentary from a musical is very palatable to the public.

Context is So Important

I know I have mentioned before how much I enjoy the movie "Desk Set" http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0050307/fullcredits?ref_=tt_ov_st_sm.  This is the story of a research department for a network facing computerization in 1957, and being concerned about computers taking over jobs. It is also a romance, and a story about not discussing take overs to prevent changes in stock values.  Do these issues sound familiar?

There is a line in the movie that did not make a whole lot of sense to me.  Peg Costello, the Joan Blondell character, is describing Richard Sumner, the Spencer Tracy character, who is the computerization fiend. She makes the comment that she thinks he is one of those men who had recently started drinking vodka. 

Today, I was listening to a story on NPR about soju, an alcoholic beverage from Korea http://www.npr.org/blogs/thesalt/2013/09/22/224522548/move-over-vodka-korean-sojus-taking-a-shot-at-america. The story reflects Korea's efforts to increase the market for soju in the United States. The story comments on the fact that until the 1950's, vodka was not very popular or common in the United States. I grew up thinking vodka was a common alcoholic beverage. What do I know.  But it explains the comment in the movie.

I think about this.  I wonder how much more rich a literary or cinematic  experience would be if the consumer has a thorough knowledge of the customs, habits, and culture of the times. If historical information and events are known by the audience. We miss a lot otherwise, but sometimes, it cannot be helped.

The Impact of Sports on Our Lives

There are very many impacts of sports on our lives.  I cannot begin to address all of those impacts, but there is one area of our lives that I want to address.  And I want to address it by talking about two movies that specifically highlight this aspect of our lives.

The United States fought a War Between the North and the South http://www.civilwar.org/education/history/civil-war-overview/northandsouth.html over economic issues, specifically, but not only, the issue of slavery. By war's end, the black slaves of all states in the United States were declared emancipated http://www.archives.gov/exhibits/featured_documents/emancipation_proclamation/transcript.html.

However, Blacks were not treated well, nor as equals, nor allowed to integrate into our society for close to a hundred years after the war's end.  Segregation was promulgated by "The Jim Crow Laws" http://www.nps.gov/malu/forteachers/jim_crow_laws.htm, not withstanding the fact that Integration technically became the law of the land in 1866 http://www.withylaw.com/history.htm.  There are still racial problems in the United States, not with just the Blacks, but that is one of the areas of racism the United States still faces.

Although there have been Black soldiers in wars fought by the United States, beginning with the War for Independence http://www.army.mil/africanamericans/timeline.html,  the United States military did not officially integrate until 1946 http://www.withylaw.com/history.htm.  Even then, integration was not widely nor uniformly implemented. However, the integration of the United States military opened the door for other types of integrations.

Sports in the United States was a venue which saw integration after World War II.  Yesterday, I went to watch the movie 42 http://42movie.warnerbros.com/,  which is based on the story of Branch Rickey, Brooklyn Dodger executive, choosing Jackie Robinson as the first Negro player in Major League Baseball. I do not usually go to the movies.  I went to see this movie the weekend it was released.  A friend of mine wanted to see it, and invited me to join her.  I enjoyed the movie more the second time, than I did the first, and saw things in it the second time that I missed the first time. And, I can tell you, I will see this movie many more times.

I have seen the movie Glory Road http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0385726/ multiple times on TV or DVD.  The story is about the 1966 NCAA Championship team, the Texas Western Miners, http://gloryroad.utep.edu/home.aspx, which started 5 black players in the championship game, the first such team to win a championship. Did Coach Don Haskins set out to integrate NCAA basketball on a grand scale? From watching the movie, he just set out to win.  And win he did. But that championship game is considered one of, if not the most important basketball games in NCAA history. 

These two stories are a prime example of how sports impacts our lives.  Integration was a long, emotional, hard fought, and bloody battle.  It did not go smoothly in sports any more than it went in many other aspect of our lives.  But sports has had a major impact on integration. 

What I Learned from Motel 6 and Tom Bodett

I do not remember when I first heard the Motel 6 advertisements in which Tom Bodett says "We'll leave the light on" http://www.motel6.com/about/bodett.aspx but more than 20 ago, according to that website.

So, when I started hearing Tom Bodett's name mentioned on "Car Talk" http://www.cartalk.com/ and "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, " http://www.npr.org/programs/wait-wait-dont-tell-me/ it just had to be the same Tom Bodett as the Motel 6 advertising spokesperson.  And it is.

I cannot tell you why their advertising campaigns are so popular. But the signature line "We'll leave the light on" speaks to me, so I suspect it speaks to a lot of people.  After all, what can be more inviting than to know that someone is waiting for you.  That's what families do.  Most families represent unconditional love and the knowledge that someone will anticipate your arrival or return, with open arms.  That is so important to all of us.

I Do Not Have a Purse

I do not have a purse, and I have not had one for a very long time .  I am thinking that I have not had a purse for 20 years, but maybe 15 or 17 years is more accurate.

I do use a fanny pack.  When I was doing community social work, I stopped carrying my purse (leaving it in the trunk of my car) to reduce my vulnerability for attack, and so that I could honestly tell the clients who asked for handouts that I did not have cash with me.

At some point, I discovered the value of a fanny pack. I did not need to carry much with me, and what I did need to carry, could fit in a fanny pack. The fanny pack worked, because when I was well enough to walk, I could just strap it on me and walk.  I like the fanny pack because I can connect the strap to a shopping cart, or hang it on a chair in a restaurant. The fanny pack still allows me to carry the essentials, but I do not need a large bag, or an ostentatious bag. I just carry the essentials.

And It Is

And it is a good day.  Today was a little cloudier and cooler than the meterological forecast predicted, but it was not cold, and, although the wind was strong, the dust did not blow. That is always a blessing in Lubbock, Texas.

It was another full day at work. I accomplished almost everything I wanted to do, got some things done ahead, and left work in time to go home, feed the cats and get to the book club.

After the book club, I ran a couple of errands. I had told myself that these errands would get done on Wednesday, but since it was early enough, and I was going by the door of the store, I did those errands today.

I still have errands to do Wednesday night, but that decreases the load.

I got home and tended to some personal business, and am now reading emails, waiting for a survey to load, and doing blogging, Facebook, games, etc.

I may not start a book tonight.  Staying out late puts me behind on all the things I like to do nightly.  That is okay.

On the Computer for the First Time Today

It is Saturday, and I usually get on the computer sometimes in the morning, and again off and on throughout the day.  But not today.

I got up and did errands and some housework, then went off to meet a friend to see a movie.  There was some strange movements, including rapid circular dancing near the end.  I became dizzy and a little nauseous.  I went home and laid down, and later made a bowl of white rice to settle my stomach.

It was really pretty out, and we have been talking about kayaking at work, a lot.  It seems there are several officers who have discovered the kayaking bug, or have had it for some time. 

It was probably in the high 70s or low 80s, but it felt good enough to go out.  When I got to the lake, the wind was brisker than at the house, but it was not too strong. I am badly out of shape, and once around the lake took me a littler longer than usual, but not much.  It was so pretty when I got home, I decided I just needed to get some yard work done.  I worked in the front and back yard for a while, then fed cats and had my own dinner. I sat outside to eat, and read for a while.

So, it was almost 7:30 PM when I got on the computer for the first time today. For a weekday, this is not totally unusual, although I try to check my emails at work, at least once. But this is unheard of for a weekend day.

But, what I did felt good. I will sleep well tonight, I suspect.  I am glad I did what I did today!

SNAP!

I have been struggling with my conscience in regards to writing about this topic, but after some open and honest discussions with co-workers today, I have decided I will try to address this topic in the most careful and respectful way I can.

It is my perception that many people on the South Plains want to believe that we live in a world, here, that is not subject to all of pressures and influences of the modern world.  Well, of course, that is nonsense.  But people in West Texas are insular, or at least, think that we are insular, or that they want us to be insular.

But the South Plains is subject to all the influences, pressures and lifestyle problems that are found anywhere else in the world.  And, that being the case, the people of the South Plains are subject to the pressures and payload, emotional, psychological, financial, that people the world over find that they, too are subjected to.

Most recently, there have been two incidents that have brought this home to me.  A co-worker, known to me in passing, engaged in a most horrific and tragic episode that resulted in two deaths, and later, he himself, died in an automobile accident.  Why these events occurred, we may never know. It is not our right to explore and dissect the inner workings of the families involved, who have suffered horrifically, and who will continue to suffer, given the legacy of the actions of this person. 

These families deserve our circumspect respect. They do not need to suffer our prying eyes.  I am not trying to intrude. I want to use this as a learning experience for us all.

The repercussions of the acts of this person are multi fold: The pain and suffering from the losses that spreads across the immediate and extended families. The shame and guilt associated with the man's actions. The faith that at some moment before his death, he made his peace with God, and that we are better human beings because we understand that this instantaneous revelation can occur.  

His actions were so out of character and make so little sense, I have to believe he had some sort of psychotic break . Otherwise it makes no sense.  The question is, what are the pressures and stressors that mounted to the point that this psychotic break occurred. We cannot know the load that another human being carries, and what one more stressor can do to that person. 

Some of us are not schooled in the skill of decreasing stress, knowing our limits or even asking for help. Many of us could  not recognize, in ourselves, when we get to the breaking point, and that is frightening.

The second event is the suicide death of a young man who, many would have thought, had the life many others would want to live.  It is hard to know why this young man engaged in the irrevocable act of suicide.  What pressures and stressors we could not see from without that he was not handling appropriately from within.  What are the pressures and stressors that a young man might experience that would drive him to this ultimate act of desperation.

Because I am not in the inner circle, I will never know. I do not know if those in the inner circle will ever know. 

But I do know that we must treat all life with value, treasure, respect, dignity and immense caring. I believe if we give humans true understanding of their worth, as humans because they are human, and do not have to have value added to their lives, the quality of their lives will improve.

For the poor, the down-trodden, the victimized, the abused, the under-appreciated, and often, the disabled of mind and body, this notion of inner worth often is non-existent.  I spend a lot of time talking to patients about the fact that they have value simply because they are a living human being, and no one can take that away from them.  

I cannot know what bundle of stressors caused these two people to SNAP. I can only hope that in the course of my days as a social worker, I am able to reach out to people and maybe help someone who is close to snapping, but does not.

More importantly, as we go about our daily lives, I hope we develop a sense of caring and compassion that helps everyone in our world to stay away from that desperate edge. I hope we remember to be kind, considerate, respectful, caring and compassionate, so we send the message to all with whom we have contact, that they are a wonderful, special, unique and valuable human being.

A New Lifestyle

I have had a newspaper subscription to the Lubbock Avalanche Journal  http://lubbockonline.com/ since I do not know when.  I had a subscription when it was an AM and PM newspaper. One of the things that I found so endearing about Lisenby was that he read the newspaper, front to back, and when it was an AM and PM newspaper, he did that twice a day.

Last year, when I received my subscription renewal notice, I was hesitant to renew:  The cost per year had increased by about $16.  Not bad, but the newspaper quality had so decreased I was not sure it was worth it:  the spell checking and proof reading was bad, the information was sometimes inaccurate, and the sports reporting was frequently inaccurate, including about sports game time and location information. I am a big sports fan, and relied on the newspaper for information about event times and broadcast information.  Sometimes, the announcements they printed about community events were confusing (this week, next week, when?).

But, I renewed.  Because, among other reasons, I used the newspaper as liner under three kitty litter pans, and also under the cat food and water dishes in the kitchen.  Well, I have decided I could purchase lined table clothes, cut them to size, and use them for the same purpose. Because, when I received the invoice for the renewal of the subscription for the Lubbock Avalanche Journal, the price went up from about $130 a year to about $180 a year.  This was much more than I thought the yearly subscription was worth.

I did not renew.  I continued to receive the newspaper.  I received a second renewal invoice, and I did not renew, but I continued to receive the newspaper.  Finally, I called the newspaper and told them I was not going to renew, but they were continuing to send me the newspaper.  I suppose I could have indefinitely received the newspaper, had I not called them. But I felt as if I was receiving the newspaper under false pretenses. 

So, now, I am having to develop a new lifestyle:  I do access the Lubbock Avalanche Journal on line.  I am watching more TV news, especially local news programs. I am accessing daily puzzles on line vs. in the newspaper. I am having to search and research community activities and events.

In the morning, as get ready for work, I am feeling unsettled.  I do not have a newspaper to flip through. Some mornings, I do get on line and check some things out. Some mornings, I do not. 

So, I am a creature of habit, and my habit has been drastically disrupted.  I am having to find a new equilibrium for my new lifestyle.

Mindless TV

A co-worker and I were talking about going home very tired.  And not doing as much as we used to.  She began telling me about the mindless TV she watches.  I told her I do not watch reality TV, most sit-coms, and most series.  But I watch a lot of sports because it is kind of mindless, and I can do something else while I watch TV:  do computer things, knit, play word games, and even housework.  She commented that that was probably why her husband also watched so much sports, and she never thought about it before.  I hope that helped.

Time Line

The Lady Raider's Basketball game http://www.texastech.com/sports/w-baskbl/text-w-baskbl-body.html tonight started at 6 PM.  They played West Virginia http://www.texastech.com/sports/w-baskbl/text-w-baskbl-body.html.  The game started this early in Lubbock, because it was 7 PM in Morgantown, WV.  Well, it was a squeaker, but the Lady Raiders won in overtime.  Wow! Whew!

The time difference is not much, but it is enough to throw us off kilter.  I am not sure if that was a factor, as the Lady Raiders were off their game in the first half of the game.

Little things can throw us off kilter.  I spent 12 years officing on the west side of the Montford Prison. I moved my office to the east side of the building in 2007. The first night I left the building from the east side, I had an attack of vertigo. I had walked about the building, back and forth between the east and west side of the building during the day. But, as I left for the day, I was disoriented. Literally, I experienced vertigo.  It was transitory, but disconcerting, nevertheless.  Little things can throw us off. 

It is not yet 9 PM. The Lady Raider Basketball game is finished. This is unusual for me. Usually, the Texas Tech basketball games, men's or women's, do not finish until 9 PM or later. I did not see anything else on TV that I want to watch. So, I will move to the living room and read.  I am not unhappy about the opportunity to read.  But I have to adjust my time line.  Usually, I do not start reading until much later in the evening.  So, I am feeling off kilter.

My Brother the Blogger

My brother has entered into the cyber world by fits and starts. I will not describe his journey, because he has described it for us in his first blog entry: http://cnapikoski.blog.co.uk/. He sent out a cryptic email today about having started a blog and could we find it.  I could not. I knew it was out there but I spent 20 minutes on other blog entries that superceded his.  We had a nice conversation tonight, not only about his blog location, but how our lives are progressing.

I am proud that my brother has entered the cyber world of blogging.  Go get 'em Chet!

Passion

I used to be passionate about things in my life.  Certainly, when my relationships started with my ex-husbands.  But other interests, too:  NASCAR racing; birdwatching; my dog Mack; even my job as a correctional social worker; Lady Raider basketball; rhyme and meter poetry.

I still have lots of interests: brass bands; reading; knitting; Lady Raider basketball; Yankee baseball; Red Sox baseball; Texas Tech football; NASCAR; birdwatching; kayaking.

But I do not seem to have passions anymore. I am not sure why. Nothing stirs me for more than a few minutes.  Many things stir me: patriotic music; sports; books; work; my cats.  But the passion is gone.  Is there something wrong with me? 

Sunday Morning

Several years ago, I was visiting my brother, who explained that he generally keeps Sunday as a day of rest and relaxation.  I was at a point in my life when I was go-getting every day of the week.  I thought about that, and over the years, I have taken more and more time on Sunday mornings to relax, meditate, and take time for myself.  That has become such a blessing to me. 

This Sunday morning, I am especially enjoying the time for relaxation and introspection. I am blessed to have this luxury in my life.

It Is Raining!

When I went to a meeting tonight, there were some distant clouds, but nothing well developed locally. When I left the meeting  at about 7:30 PM, there were thick, well developed storm clouds over the north of the city, and fair but cloudy skies to the south. I was hoping for rain.

I checked The Weather Channel http://www.weather.com/ about 8:45 PM and it showed showers over all of Lubbock. It must have been virga, because there was nothing on the ground, at least at my house.

I have been working on the computer, and checking the outside weather.  No rain, until this last check about 10:10 PM, probably 45 minutes after the last check.  The wind is up. I can see the lightning through the north facing window behind the computer.  The thunder is distant and rumbling low.

I am just grateful for the rain.

There are so many things for which I am grateful:  I have caring family. I have a job I like and at which I am fairly proficient.  I realize I like the members of the board of directors of Catholic Charities, Diocese of Lubbock, the meeting I attended tonight.  I am proud to be on the board of the agency, which was the reason I moved to Lubbock in 1977.  I have caring friends. I have caring co-workers. I have the company of wonderful cats. I have developed contacts for  a couple of book clubs. I love to read. I have other hobbies: kayaking, knitting, cross-stitching.

There is so much good in my life.  And rain tops it off!

Elderly Parents and My Own Future

Some of my coworkers and friends are dealing with elderly and failing parents.  I dealt with that some few years ago, and because of the physical distance between myself and my parents, I was spared the day to day trauma.

But trauma it is.  There are so many factors and facets to dealing with elderly parents:  To name a few: their perception of their capabilities, and their desire not to surrender independence. The reality of their abilities, especially in regards to such things as driving. Their physical strength and stamina. Their physical intactness. Their mental intactness. Their safety when they are not supervised.

As our parents age, as we age, we become less and less capable of doing the day to day tasks that we did without thought in our youth.  We are less capable physically. We forget. We start something and are distracted and can not finish. We have less interest or motivation. We have less physical strength.

Then, our body fails. We cannot walk as far, reach as high or lift as much.  We can not grasp as tightly. We can not move as quickly, or agilely as we once did. We can not stand as easily, or get up from a kneeling or crouching position. We are stiff and sore if we stay in one position too long. We lose feeling in our extremities.  

Life becomes harder in so many ways. We remember somethings, usually things of long ago, that comfort and calm us, or distress and discourage us.  Our physical faculties decline, and we can not care for ourselves the way we used to. We become dependent upon others, hopefully those who love us, and treat us with dignity and respect.

I will become, one day, as frail and infirm as my parents became.  I was not there to care for them on a day to day basis.  I do not have children who can care for me on a day to day basis. I can only hope that someone will be there, to care for me, to supervise my care. To be sure that I am not abused, nor taken advantage of, nor manipulated to my detriment.

Am I afraid? No. I am hopeful.  And I know the full Grace of God who takes care of my soul, whatever happens to my body.