Patience

I had no patience, growing up.   And I had no sense of timing and barged in, did not wait, and just stepped all over myself and other people in my eagerness to complete, do, perform, act.  This hurt some relationships.  But mostly, it hurt me because I did not understand about patience.

All my work life, I felt I needed to produce.  Of course, when I worked in the tobacco fields as a teenager, or the napkin factory as a young adult, I had to keep up with the speed of required production.  I think this conditioned me to know that I had quotas and deadlines and I had to always be busy.

The hardest adjustment I made when I went to work at the prison was to learn patience.  I had to learn to wait on the officer who would unlock one of the six locked doors through which I have to pass to get into my work area.  I had to learn patience until the officer in the "sally port" could pass a key to me through the pass through box. 

I had to learn patience because I was at the mercy of correctional officers who would bring my patients from their cells to the interview room for me to speak to them.  I had to accept that count time stopped movement, and chow time stopped movement.  I had to accept that understaffed areas stopped movement. I had to learn that some officers just were resistant to bringing out patients for interview, and would move papers, avoid eye contact, talk to other officers and in general would not do their job which includes bringing out patients so clinicians can interview them.

Today, I needed to see a patient.  It was count time, and one of the officers was training two new on the job trainees (OJTs) about count time.  I knew it was count time, but as timing would have it, I had just finished the chart review I wanted to do before I interviewed the patient.  So, I waited in my office to allow for count.  Because there were some trainees, it took a little longer and was not quite finished when I did go to the pod. 

Also waiting on the pod was a transport officer.  His job is to escort patients to the infirmary for medical appointments.  He was just waiting at the desk. (He had to wait for count to be completed, also.)   As I stood at the desk waiting for the officers to complete count, he asked me what I needed to do. I responded, and he repeated my need to the other officers just sitting there, letting the OJTs and their monitor do count.

This transport officer is one who is appropriate, polite to staff and offenders, always does his job well.  He is always helpful, always prompt to respond, and will even help bring out patients on rows where he is not assigned.  He also has a good, appropriate sense of humor and is in general a nice person to work with.  Except some officers think he is too helpful to clinical staff. (Isn't that sad? I mean, that is large part of their job.)

I thanked him for running interference for me today. (He has done this before for me.)  I told him I was waiting for count to clear, and I could see it had not.  He acknowledged that and said he knew they were far enough along to bring out the patient I needed to see.

We engaged in a discussion.  I told him that the hardest thing for me to learn when I came to work at the prison was to wait.  That it was okay to wait, and sometimes, expected that we would wait.  He acknowledged and said it was also difficult for him to learn. He commented that all of his previous jobs were productions jobs where you had to be busy all the time, and if you were not, you had to learn to look busy all of the time.

I told him that learning patience was a blessing for me, because I have learned to transfer that skill to my "outside" life, and the quality of my life has improved.  I am able to relax, let things take their course, and recognize when I have done all I can do and I need to let time pass as it needs to.  He told me he, too felt that his personal had improved because he has learned to be patient. 

It is not often that I get to engage in a philosophical discussion with a correctional officer regarding something other than "this patient does not need to be here."  I enjoy the kind of philosophical sharing I did today regarding patience. 

Blogging revisited

Well, I had been blogging quite regularly in the month of June, and found myself able to do several blogs a day sometimes.  But after the 4th of July holiday, I hit a wall.  I know why:  I was dealing with trying to set up the new laptop computer I purchased, attend to several social activities, keep up with work while continuing to keep up with social activities, attend a continuing education workshop, but get all of my work done at work, get help downloading Microsoft Office onto my computer, setting up the Outlook email accounts, go to a couple of Westwind Brass Band concerts, including the combined Westwind Brass Band, and Texas Tech Band and Orchestra Camp Wind and Brass Ensemble concert, go to PT, read, knit,  keep up with work, and go to the Mystery Book Club.   Whew!

Reading all of this just tires me out.  Tonight, I thought I had set up the Outlook email program I needed, but hit yet another wall.  So, I called Suddenlink, but, as I expected, they said it was a Microsoft problem.  So, I went looking for help on line, but could not find a help topic explicit to what I needed.  So, I gave up. I decided I would contact the TTUHSC IT people to help me by phone tomorrow, and make a plan to go in next week for help. Or, at least find out if they could help me, or if I needed to contact Microsoft. So, after I did what I wanted to do on the computer tonight, I shut it off. 

I was reading, but got restless, and realized that I had a blog in me tonight, so turned the computer back on.  I have not blogged since July 8, 2014, and before then, since July 5, 2014. 

And, when I checked the Microsoft Outlook program, it appeared to be working. I will check more tomorrow: sending emails from work, and the emails I have saved on my old laptop that I want to send to my new laptop. 

Because, my next adventure is setting up the new printer.  And printing several things.  I will not totally disassemble the old printer, just in case, because what I need to print can come off of the old laptop.  But, we shall see how all of this works.

What I am most impressed with during this process is my patience.  The last time I did this kind of computer shift was in 2006.  Then, I thought I had to have every thing done "right away."  Now, while I feel a sense of urgency to get things done (the biggest thing was to get connected online), I am okay with taking care of the various other things in bits and pieces, as we go.

Patience is a virtue. It bestows upon the waiter the peace of mind that it is okay to wait and to take time.  It allows unexpected things to happen around us, while we are waiting, that makes our wait worth while.

It allows us to learn to take our time as we fumble through life, so that we can appreciate and enjoy the good things, and build memory files of them, to help us to get through the bad times with a minimum of distress.

As with setting up Microsoft Office, it is there, it is done. I just had to be patient enough to know how to finish the process.

Patience truly is a virtue

All of this to say, that when I have so many things bouncing around in my mind, I cannot reliably be present to attend to one thing. That makes blogging so much harder for me.  But, I can get it done, and I did tonight.

I Have Not Been a Good Cat Mommy Lately

I have had some trouble being patient and gently with the cats, although it is not intentional, and I have had to BACK OFF.

I have not brushed Sake regularly, and she has become severely matted. Sometimes, she lets me cut the worst of her clumped matts off, but not always.  Mostly, she is patient when I want to cut terribly matted clumps on her britches.  Which I did several days ago.  A few days later, I cut a terribly matted clump from her side: there is a gaping hole in her fur now.  I think I must have hurt her feelings, because her resistance to grooming has escalated since then. Cutting the clump was not physically painful. In fact, when I did it, I do not think she realized what I was doing. But she has been very angry with me since then.  I guess I can understand: it is like getting a really bad haircut.

The last few days, I have been trying to pull apart or comb out a matt a day, but this has not resulted in any progress with the problem.

Saturday, I just really tried to groom her, and she became very distraught with me. Well, I can not blame her, because trying to comb the matts, even though I try to be gentle, can hurt. Then she yanks away and that pulls even more.

I went on line looking for a cat version of "no more tangles" but found none. I saw a website from a cat owner who suggested using just that. But I hate to put those chemicals, whatever they are, on my cat.  One ex-breeder suggested cornstarch. Well, that seems innocuous.  The first time I tried to put cornstarch on Sake, she object wildly.  But I did get some on her, and later in the day, was able to finger the matts apart.  I put more on her yesterday, and later in the day, again, was able to finger the matts apart.  It seems the cornstarch helps things to become a little slick. It is not great, but better than what I was doing. 

The advice on line said not to comb a cat, but to brush them. So, I got the brush out, and today, I briefly brushed her.  I got a few matts. The brush is not as efficient with the matts, but less stressful for her, but still, did not please her.

I have spent a lot of time making nice with her the last couple of days. 

Yesterday morning, as I was stumbling around getting up, I stepped on Taki's tail.  It was brief, and unintentional, but I hate doing that, to any of my cats.

Tonight, after work, I was feeding the cats but getting ready to go out afterwards. Haiku slipped into the garage, in spite of my efforts to keep her out. I went into the garage and yelled at her, because I did not want her to get on the high shelf, where I could not reach her.

I can not leave from the garage if a cat is in the garage:  The opening of the garage door scares them and they become unmanageable.  I am afraid to run over a cat if one is in the garage.  I am afraid one will escape if I open the garage door.  If I leave a cat in the garage and go away, and come back, and open the garage door, I am afraid, once again, one will escape, or I will run over a cat. So this becomes quite a dilemma for me.

Well, I am ashamed that I yelled at Haiku, because I wanted her to get back into the house, and she would not come when I called. Well, much to my chagrin, she jumped to the high shelf.  I took a deep breath, and said as sweetly as I could, that she had a half hour, then I would have to get her down.  Well, less than ten minutes later, she was off the shelf and I could pick her up and put her in the house.  I have petted her gently and often since then, both before and after my outing.  She has joined me in the computer room, so I hope she has forgiven me.  I was just rude.

After my outing, Sake wanted into the garage. I had decided that any or all three of the cats could go into the garage when I got home.  Because the outside garage door sometimes bounces back up, I made a point to be sure it was totally closed before I went into the house. I had some groceries which I took with me.  As I said, Sake wanted into the garage, and she was allowed.

The outside garage door opener light was on, when Sake went into the garage. Usually, as a signal to me, if I have a cat in the garage, I turn on the garage light.  This is a reminder to me when I am in the house, that there is a cat in the garage.  And, if I am working in the front yard, having come around from the back, it is a reminder to me that there is a cat in the garage, and I do not want to open the garage door from the outside key panel. Or, at least, I should err on the side of caution, and assume there is a cat in the garage, and I should not open the outside garage door using the key panel.

Well, I forgot to turn on the garage light, and while checking on Sake, did so after a little while. As is my habit, I again checked a few minutes later to see how Sake was doing.  She was at the south end of the garage, and acted very skittish about coming into the house. It was then that I noticed that the garage door was open! And, I was hearing lots of blustering wind from the cold front the was moving in from the north (my garage opens to the north,)

My heart was in my throat!. I did not want Sake to run outside.  I knew that closing the garage door would make her even more skittish (if she is standing at the door that goes from the kitchen to the garage when the outside door is going up or down, the noise seems to frighten her.)  I stepped into the garage, in the lane between the car and the outside door, and encouraged her to go into the house, which she did, hesitantly.

I am grateful that there was a front blowing in from the north. Sake dislikes the wind. If it had a been a calm night, even a cold, calm night, I suspect she would have ventured outside, and I would have had hell to pay to find her.  In reality, she would have returned home on her own terms, and I would have been heart sick in the mean time.

I am not sure why the garage door was open. Years ago, with a different, older, garage door  opener, sometimes the garage door would just open of its own accord.  One of my neighbors, who was a police officer in a neighboring town, noticed that, and came by one time when that happened, and talked to me about taking precautions and getting it fixed.  He was right, and I followed his advice about securing the garage door until I could get it fixed, and then, fixing it.

I am hoping, tonight, when I hit the light switch because Sake was in the garage, I inadvertently hit the garage door opener switch, although they are some inches apart.  Otherwise, I have no idea why the outside garage door was open!

I will just keep vigilant about making sure the garage door is closed as it should be.  Otherwise, I have a recalcitrant garage door which I, of course, cannot trust to behave as a garage door should. 

All three cats are safely inside.  The wind has picked up and is making all kinds of rude noises outside. But we are inside. And safe. And, hopefully contented to be inside and safe.

Patience

I am not known for my patience.  In fact, I am very impatient, and that leads to some very abrupt, inappropriate and down right rude interactions or reactions by me. 

This has been a problem for me as I use the computer.  I get tired of waiting for a computer as it churns out results, so I often click, click, click, and cause more problems for myself. I click before I fully read a dialogue box.  I click and cause the computer to freeze from too many commands. I click and click incorrectly or inadvertently on something or another.

One of the things that has helped me manage my impatience while using the computer is Solitaire http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solitaire.

I first learned to play Solitaire when I was in the  8th or 9th grade.  At that time, I was playing Solitaire with hard copy decks, not on the computer.  And, I have played a lot of Solitaire over the years. I have even kept score when I play Solitaire.  I played Solitaire to help me to relax so I could go to sleep, in high school and college.  A friend from college reminded me how much I played Solitaire when we were talking about how the computer sucked up our time. She was right. Before computers, I played Solitaire a lot.  I can not imagine how much time I have wasted over the years, playing Solitaire. But I played Solitaire waiting for classes in college, I played Solitaire while watching TV or listening to music or the radio. I played Solitaire in airports and bus stations, waiting to travel. I played Solitaire when I was waiting for whatever.

I have played a LOT of Solitaire in my life.

My favorite types of Solitaire are Klondike Solitaire and, on the computer Spider Solitaire. 

There are lots of types of Solitaire.  In the movie The Hellfighters http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0063060/, Madelyn Buckman tells her daughter Tish Buckman that Hoyle called Solitaire "Patience" and it had a number of variations (I do not recall how many, maybe 52).  Madelyn said she had played them all.

Well, sometimes, Solitaire is my savior.  When I click on applications and programs that load slowly on my computer, I usually go to a Solitaire game.  I play Solitaire while things are loading. That prevents me from multiple clicking and freezing up the computer. It just helps me to be patient while waiting for something to load.

So, while Solitaire may be a waste of time, for me, it serves a purpose.  Because I have so little patience.

My Brother the Blogger

My brother has entered into the cyber world by fits and starts. I will not describe his journey, because he has described it for us in his first blog entry: http://cnapikoski.blog.co.uk/. He sent out a cryptic email today about having started a blog and could we find it.  I could not. I knew it was out there but I spent 20 minutes on other blog entries that superceded his.  We had a nice conversation tonight, not only about his blog location, but how our lives are progressing.

I am proud that my brother has entered the cyber world of blogging.  Go get 'em Chet!

Regimented

I am a creature of habit.  And one of my habits is that I generally know how long things will take, and plan my activities accordingly.  Sometimes, I am surprised. Today was one of those days.  I spent much longer at the library and the check out line at the store than I had anticipated. I used to get antsy when I had to wait like that. Now, I just mellow out and enjoy the opportunity to watch people.

This is good.  I do not want to be such a creature of habit that I can not be spontaneous.

Camping Out

Reporting on the major serious storms, especially snow storms, often includes items about people camping out at the airport.  I chose to fly from Lubbock to Providence on May 16, 2012, as it was scheduled to get into Providence at 7 PM compared to 11 or so in Manchester. Well, the delays we are experiencing will get me into Providence about 10:40 PM.  I changed my rental car reservation so hopefully, there will be a car available for me when I get there.

Meanwhile, there is a small group of people who have hunkered down and are camping out at the gate, waiting for the plan to arrive, deplane, restock and reload and depart.  We have heard lots of heavy rain, there has been thunder and lightning, it has been gray.  But although people are discouraged, there has been little really ill temper.  There is nothing to be done but wait.

I checked on the later flight to Providence that is leaving before we are: they were overbooked.  This is Southwest airlines, though, and they are giving the passengers $100 voucher for the delay.

Last year, when I flew back from Seattle, we were diverted to El Paso due to smoke, and we received $100 vouchers for that, in the  mail.  I also received a night's accommodation at a VERY nice hotel.  That will not happen this time.  I hope to get up to Maine tonight.  It is another two hours, but I think I can do it.  I do not want to camp out at the Providence airport.

Mats

Sake has not been doing very well at taking care of her fur lately.  This has happened the last several springs, and I think, as she gets older the contortions to reach the various parts of her body are more difficult.  She has lost some weight, so I would think that might help a little, but if she has arthritis, not much.

I tried working on her side mats, as they are the easiest to get to, and she was just furious. If I touched her tummy mats, she went nuts!  Well, she was outside on the leash the other day, and as she was absorbed in scouting out grass, I was able to pick at some of the side mats. I started working lower another day, and she erupted! 

Well, then I got part of a big mat off of her stomach using the clips on the penknife, and it bothered her, but did not hurt.  The last couple of days, when she has been on the counter, she has let me work at little at a time at the other big mats on her stomach.  I always show her what I have taken off of her, and allow her to smell it, so she knows it is her.  She has gotten a little more tolerant, once again, of the clips.  Yesterday, I found a big mat on my dresser, on top of my bag. right where I could not avoid it.  I think that was intentional, as if she were letting me know she was working at it too.  If I can do a little every day or so, I believe we can get this problem licked.  I let it get too far, but her reaction to my earlier efforts was so violent.  I guess I just had to let it get bad enough.

Relapse!

When Taki was a baby, every time I took out my knitting, it was a like a magnet which drew her attention, even if she was in another room, and it became a struggle to knit without her trying to chew and otherwise play with the yarn.  Then, last fall, we came to an understanding, and while she sometimes showed interest in my knitting, I could re-direct her attention, and continue knitting.  Until the last week or so.  She has again become insatiably interested in my knitting, to the point I sometimes have to put her in the cat stroller so I can pick up the knitting and put it away, then let her out of the stroller.  I hate  to do that, but it is better than constantly chiding her about leaving the yarn alone, and she is in the stroller for less than 5 minutes.

Taki has also taken a liking to playing with toilet tissue rolls.  She went through a period, not too long ago, when she played with rolls regularly, unraveling them and biting them.  Finally, she seemed to get the message that such an activity was a "no no."  Until about 3 days ago.  Although I do not use the wall mounted roller, but keep the tissue rolls in a covered wicker basket on the tank behind the toilet seat, she still digs the roll out and unravels it or bites it.  I am not sure why she has resumed this activity. 

It seems like she is going through growth spurts. Sometimes her behavior is a little less infantile and more sedate, and then she becomes less able to maintain some self control and becomes more destructive. I try to correct her without scolding her, but when I am knitting, I do get frustrated.  She responds better to correction than frustration, so putting her in the stroller and picking up the knitting seems to be more positive.  And redirecting her from the tissue rolls does seem to help. Some.

Into The Hands of God

Recently, I have faced a very difficult situation at work. I had reason to believe my boss might be upset, and the problem was very tenuous.  Today, working on the situation, I believe the situation has resolved itself as best it could.  Not great, because it was a very tough situation, but as best it could.

I left work on Friday in a dither, but decided over the weekend to place the problem in the hands of God. And I believe God took care of the situation.

Learning Patience

I am not a very patient person, and I never have been.  I sometimes get exasperated easily, and I definitely give up easily, rather than wait and be persistent.

Over the years, I have learned to deal with my impatience in various ways.  One includes that if I think I am going to be in a situation in which serious waiting will be required, I have an activity planned: a book, puzzles, knitting, for example. That helps me to wait.

When I went to work at the prison, my patience was tried: I was at the mercy of correctional officers who had tasks other than getting patients from their cells so I could interview them. I had to deal with meal time, count, work and school, too.  It was one of the most difficult adjustments I had when I went to work in the prison. But, I am the better person for learning that patience.

In the last few weeks, I have worked on several computer installation projects that require patience: installing and uninstalling software is a slow process, and the technician doing it has to be patient while the process is occurring. Clicking too quickly to proceed ruins the process.

I have spent a great deal of time dealing with this activity recently. I have learned to sit and just wait, and watch a screen. I did not get impatient, and I was able to get through the process. 

A good life lesson.